12 | Stress Management with Alex Raymond
Written By Harrison King
Season 1: Let’s Talk About Life with Harrison King
Managing Stress and Burnout
With Guest Alex Raymond
powered by Sounder
It’s okay to let everything out of your head.
In our current society, life is extremely busy. Our minds are always on the go, and so are we. But that means our stress levels are significantly on the rise as well, and managing it is one of the most challenging things possible. We get so many things stuck up in our head, that we forget to let them out, onto paper, or verbally to another person. On Episode 12 of the Let’s Talk About Life podcast, Harrison talked with Alex Raymond about different ways to manage stress, the importance of active listening, and even new forms of technology.
About Alex Raymond
Alex is a songwriter, drummer, and percussionist based in Toronto, Ontario. At an early age, he took an interest in music, starting with the piano before shifting his focus to the drums. He enjoys all genres of music but lately has shown a growing interest in Cuban, Caribbean and Brazilian music. Outside of music, Alex is a strong supporter of Craft Breweries. He is an avid sports fan with hopes that the Toronto Maple Leafs will win the Stanley Cup in his lifetime.
“Chances are, no matter how old, [your experiences] have impacted you”
Topics discussed in this episode:
Stress management
Exercise, sleep, eat well
Go in nature
Seek help from a professional
Find what works for you
Allow yourself to change things up and try new things
Knowing when to push yourself and when to take a step back
Stress can be a good thing in certain situations
Treat yourself every once in a while
“Please hang in there” - Alex Raymond
Externalize what’s in your head
Have open conversations with others about mental health
Writing
Journaling
Organize your thoughts, create lists
Learn to accept where you are and how you are feeling
Practice making decisions for your wellbeing
Communication is key
Practice active listening - prioritizing listening before responding
Practice communicating your needs
The impact of technology on our society/generation
Can be a tool and a detriment
Can cause connection and disconnection
“We’re all learning to live for the first time”
Life is learning
Transcript:
Every day I have a certain amount of experiences and chances are in some way, no matter how old, if you remember them or not, if impacted you you're now listening to the let's talk about life, podcast brought to you by don't settle with your host Parson King. WHAT'S UP EVERYBODY! Welcome back to the lets, talk about life podcast! My name is Harrison. King and today, d joined by a good friend of Mine Alex Raymond. We we've gone to school together. We got to know each other quite a bit the past a couple years here a and he really likes to talk about some of these big bigger than life topics too. So he asked something the other day on instagrams Havey, message and E, and we were talking about it was omemost stress, I believe, stress management or something like that and I sayd what dot we just hop on the podcast and Jhat about it. So that's what he's doing Alex, how re you doing and y tell the people a little bit about yourself, yeah thanks for that. I am good thanks for having me doing a well just kind of run. Around in the morning, a little bit but settling in finally settling in at two ten, so yeah like Harrison said: We've been friends since early first year, we're both Thirdyo. Now I go t homeber, I play the drums and percussion get into a Latin music of things, so that's exciting, but yeah. So basically, I was just growing through the instagram as one does and then I hopked on to the stories and there's a few stories. You know I try to pay attention to Harrison's being one of them and then yeah. I took interest to it and E. I think he asked a question that was, I don't remember what it was, but I just remember your answer so so we're here. I don't know what we want to talk about. We with some of I think, stress, management. I think you were saying ye pretty much like you know. Everybody always says you know work out, get some good sleep wel. I mean I say those things too yeah, but I think you're talking about if correct my from wrong wet, like other other ways to you, know, manage Ye. Now that that's pretty much it because you know a lot of people always go to the base, not the basics, because they obviously do work and they workd for me and they work for other people. But I always hear, like you know, get exercise. Get some sleep eat healthy. You know, there's a bunch of common rigs that I find always come up, which is good. Like you said yeah, it makes sense, but I was just wondering if I don't know if you yo could come up with something or anyone you know. Well, I don't O. I think it's just a good topic to talk bout. I think the first thing that comes to mind is that yeah, that's whateverybody says, but I, if you're, in a situation where you're really stressed- and you feel like those things- are a lot tof work, it's challenging right and it's like. Well, I don't want to work out. I don't want to even though it makes sense to go to bet early or whatever you know what I mean it's. It can be hard and you kind of get thinto that cycle, and I think the first thing that comes to mind is just reaching out and talking to somebody yeah yeah. I think I agree with that, especially because I know sometimes it's hard to find resources that yeah you can relate to immediately when you're dealing with whatarer you're dealing with and there's a large variety of stuff people do with. Of course it could be like big, big scaler small scale, but definitely I think it can be difficult to find what works for you, and you know some people will recommend this this and the other thing, but, like you said, once you kind of figure out, you know. If you talk to someone reach out to whoever and then you can kind of go from there at least it like starts the ball rolling right, like you say, if you don't know what works for you, then at least you can talk to somebody and figure out what doesn't work for you and you'll eventually get there I'v Tucked with at a couple times on here and- and I think that's the best way to kind of say it like like. What do you find that you do? Is it mostly just working out and I like exercise or whatever those kind of things eating healthy blah, Blah Blah or you know what it would would have you been up to yeah for that? I think it kind of changed on on a weekly basis to be honest or even like a monthly basis, because yeah most things, I can say sometimes work but other times won't work like like you said it can be difficult to just get up and go for runer or you know, do actual exercise right and it's difficult for me to do that as well. Sometimes, but other times you know, I find that if I've been stressed with, I sit down an a desk type of work yeah then you know it's good to get aside like most way say, but but then let's say I'm just I've been running around or driving or whatever running wunch of errands and that'. Stressing me out, then I can take a different approach like okay, I'm going to spend an hour and a half and make myself a good meal right, or something like that right for me. Personally, I think a go to would be exercise just because it's all I've been fairly active, my entire life but overlo Oer, like the end of high school, and now it's been like unorganized like I've, been in a hockey leaguer I've been a soccer leagu whenever a ging up right. So it's like there's not on time. Exactly like I'm playing, I go from scheduled, you know soccer on Monday night or whatever to now it's like okay. I could just sit in my room if I wanted to on Sunday on Monday man trust me. I do that, there's many nights. I will just et but kind of like developing into that. Okay, like I notice this, can help and then so exercise for sure, but yeah. I think I think, exercise and works for me usually, but, like I said, sometimes it doesn't because sometimes I'll begin o work out or whatever and then I'll be like frustrated and then I'll just right. You know throw down the weights and Nowll, be that but then enter sure, and I could do something else right. I think the big thing is changing it up, like you said like, even if you say you're sitting at your desk for a long time y. u working on something which I actually was din yesterday and and I've been you know, doing Somehn for quite a while and just changing it up and going instead of ton like power through all the time. I think it's a big thing, which can also just automatically reduce stress if you just like, allow yourself to take the time to just do something else or yeah, just basically that like change it up, you know and create that balance of you not just fully working on this thing for one time and and being aware of what you want to do, an you don't want to do because that's what I find challenge we can talk about that because SOM sometimes it's like, I should what I should be doing. What I want to do and like those things can be very different. You know what I mean. So it's like. What do you listen to in the sense that you saying you know? Sometimes you start working out and you don't really want to be working out and then sometimes it's okay to just stop. You need to listen to yourself but other times. It's like all. You need to push through right. I don't know how we are supposed to know when to follow. You know which does that make any sense, yeah so you're, basically saying like. When do you stop? Because it's getting too much and then when do you just kind of keep going, even though it can be a bit because sometimes you got to motivate yourself right, you got ta got to push through and work. I harder to grow, that's Wath! This whole thing, I'm trying to you, know, get across to people, but then there's other times where it's like. Oh well, you actually should take a break like you can't power through. I don't know where the line is there. Well, I don't know if there's a specific, I mean, like anything, it's hard to just find a line right, but I do think that because it cin you can kind of get into like, depending on what you're doing you can kind of get into the aspects of like giving up right because I don't want to like I'm not telling people. You know if it's not work, if you just give up but right. Oh, I live, you know, lift one wayg and then Nig, I'm not do Thitbi, try to cook something and tnow. I'm giving you know your give up on everything but like let's say for someone just the classic example of doing exercise. Let's say you do a four kilomete run or whatever, and then you just do a three kilometer one run day or two colometer and like then, you're still getting the output right of like releasing whatever don't always have to push yourself so hard. I guess is yeah you're trying to say right, yeah exactly, but but I also do believe in in pushing yourself yeah little like you got it, you know because Os, I don't think you're gonna get anywhere Younoif you just kind of sit back and be like yeah, nothing. You know a lot of people say like nothing's going to come. If you don't go get at which I can't really talk too much. You know I don't have all that life experience, but I believe in it at least for sure D, and it also comes down to like I said knowing when to do that when to push yourself and you know or whatever and also went to just take a step back and maybe do something else or not push yourself as hard or maybe just not do it at all, which is can be. I think, a big thing talking about stress management. That can be a big thing if you can start to wrap your head. I'm saying like I don't have the answer either, but you know know yourself well enough to like just know when I need to stop working so hard or I do need to push myself a little farther. I have more in Med, you know what I mean, because if you, if you don't follow that, then then you will copet create stress for yourself because you're pushing yourself like you, you know burn out right, yeah yeah, I do feel like you know. If you're going to say what is the goal of stress management, I think to me like just base onehat, you just said kind of just came to me is like, if you have the awareness and the consciousness to decide with like full commitment. What is too much and what isn't enough yeah in that moment and you're like completely satisfied with it, then it's like, I feel like that's where you want to be, because I'm for sure you'll be like no that's, not enough yeah and then you'll be like a few hours ae like. I should have done that, but then I mean I don't even know if that's possible to achieve like if, if I heal yeah, exactly like that's the goal, the unattainable goal or whatever like right, every single like thing you do or whatever is like satisfaction, I mean obviously not everything, but when you're talking about Stress Management Yeah, if you're always happy with pushing yourself to a limit and then stopping and then vite like changing it up every day like that's probably, you know what I mean yeah. Well, it's like you know, being satisfied with whatever you're doing which this is more than just. He Stress Mangen thing. This is just a life being happy enjoying life thing right, yes, satisfied with either not doing anything doing something doing whatever it is finding that balance of what makes you happy and what you know that you need to do in that very moment and be okay with it, which would change all the world's problems. But we obviously can't do that, but I mean that's what that's. What at least it sounds like to me is what we're you know kind of getting t at is, but even if it's not everything it's like, like you said like working out, you're being okay with either not doing much today or pushing yourself, because you think that's what you want to do not doing things because other people feel like you feel like outside tos, outside pressure, whether it's universe or society or whatever is right. Just blocking that out and doing your OL thing. Yeah yeah, I mean that's, that's that's a pretty strong, beginning I'd, say yeah this CHT right on. I do yeah. I agree we talk about like outside pressure, we're talking about outside pressure. It culd come from like a lot of people like I was just thinking about this yesterday or whatever, like stress, can come from anything right like yeah to me. Obviously, there's some things that are going to be more stressful, like a job interview for a big GIG or whatever, or you know if your new parents ore, getting a new apartment or a big purchase like those are favorite huge things right, but like sometimes I'm just tressed out, like I dont know, this could be just me but, like I get stressed out over like little like. Oh, I can't hear myself in, like let's say, like my headphones weren't working like that, could stress me out a fair amount right which, to be honest, is probably a little bit like excessive. Like I got, ta learn to just relax. I think, but I think everybody has that a different degree yeah, but I think that's borderline like getting into you know some people really deal with anxiety and stuff yeah with which I can't speak to. I don't know if you can, but but as for as for that, like I think, I've talked about with somebody before stress is a good thing in certain situations. Yeah right, that's the big thing in certain t at it's, not always a good thing when you're overwhelmed and too stresse, then it's a problem but yeah. I don't know it's a hard thing to Har Yea totack right, it is, is, I mean think about like no one's really, I mean maybe withthotat past one hundred years. It's started to come and E, not even that it started to be like tha, bigger topic like I know I don't know like behaviorism or whatever was like seventy eight years ago, which is you know getting into psychology, what not, which I'm starting to learn, but very not familiar with. So I can't talk about it, but we're talking about mental health and stress Tta. That's that's relatively new. I think right yeah well like at least like getting rid of the stigma around it. Like you know, I don't know the numbers, but I think you know eventwenty twenty thirty years ago right. It was still a thing, a big thing I mean it still is, but like people wouldn't talk about it or address it, that you know it's a thing that people are dealing with and and like I believe I don't know if this is correct or not, so nobody quote me on it, but I itwas like burn out is like an official like an an official. I don't want to SA disease, but like like illness or something like that where, like as in you've worked, you know, you're too stressed you overwhelm n whatever that's too much, it's become a legitimate medical like the andition. I guess I don't know what the specific term is, but you understand what I'm saying I do right and that's I mean that's recent, like you saying like it's only been the past. You know, however long that's even been at all like in the picture, so so I'm glad that we could like have a conversation with this and even even then people don't talk about it enough. I stobly not yeah, probably not well. Just me like I've, been, I don't aware of it, but I didn't really start getting like stop. The stigma was the thing in my high school and like that was the first time I heard about or like to to kind of like interest or took notice, even of stress and yeah, of like mental illnesses and mental heat and stuff as being like a legitimate thing, right, yeah, like yeah, it should be, it should be. You know, should be talked about it more it should I mean it is growing, so I'm not Goinna like harp on it, but it's just it's kind of surprising like that. It hasn't been like that is just kind of now that it's tarting to become a bigger thing to yeah, but I mean it's good, it's better than going t e ther way around for sure exactly like it's not getting yeah, and I think I think, like I said originally talking to people about whatever, like even just talking about it. You don't have to comp with a solution, but just discussing what you're, feeling or or you know, hearing that other people are going through it or whatever. I think I m personally, it can be a big thing even like this. I mean at the moment I'm not feeling super stressed, but but you know you just have n a conversation about it and being open and sharing our thoughts can really you know open you up to to feeling like you don't have to you, don't feel so stressed as anymore right, yes, yeah. I agree, I think yeah. I think you know just talking to whoever about it, because I think talking like a lot of stress, I feel like it can just build up when it doesn't have to yes, so you could have because you C be ininside exactly so. You could have like. Let's say you have whatever ten things on the table, you got to get done in the next few days, but you know realistically, if you take a step back, like is very very possible to get those things done right if you just if, if you do it, but then you know, even if you don't procrastinate, those things are in your head, yeah and then the stress is going to keep building even when you're getting it done. I find sometimes like and then when you talk to someone and it doesn't even Havp, like you said it doesn't have to be like these are my issues like I need help. It could just be talking in general yeah. It kind of like separates you from everything, I think, or least it has the power to what take care of your head right exactly and then you're just focusing on something which can help as well. But I do think if you're going to do if you're, just GOINGNA, you know if anyone whatever is is stressed out, then you can just talk and explain that you're stressed out another another thing, like you saying, just get it out of your head, like like you're, saying you're working on those things and you got those ten items are You'e working on them, but you're still feeling stressed out as you're checking things off the list. I completely agree with that, like I was yeah ve I've been there just recently yeah and just writing even writing them out. You know what I mean like T, a writing down or you feeling or what you need to do instead of having it in your head, because I think when you have too many things in your head, which again I do a lot, then it just starts to create this. Like you're saying this Clyole, you almost unneeded stress because it's like yeah, if you plan it out, maybe that's one of the things is more so just like organization and planning. If you can plan out you ten things over the next four days. What do you need to do here? You know for this this time from two PM to four PM. All I'm worrying about is this one thing then you onty have to worry about everything else, because you know t yo Gin to get done yeah if it's Alln your head. What I personally do you know I'm trying to figure out when I'm going to do everything else. You know- and I just create this stress, but writing it out. You know the organization kind of kind of think Ang probably be a. You know, yeah help because then, while you're, while you're doing something in the back of your head, you you're still thinking about the other yeah. You know things got to get done and then everything just becomes less efficient, SOA percent yeah, but yeah. I do think I don't know. Obviously it's he thing, we're growing in taught talking about it, but even just like it's just kind of around, sometimes and- and you know, I'm not going to sit like I'm veried, I'm stressed out a lot of the time. You know there is things I do to help with it, but like a lot of people in the life are just dressed out and, like you said it is it's a good thing. It can be a good thing again in the certain situations, right yeah in certain situations, but I do find sometimes it's just kind of like it's just kind of around. I don't know if you can touch t that ont know if you know t mean but like I could, wake up one day and and kind of feel like I got personally or you saying just like outside in society, it's around because also two different things, but I grew like I guess we can kind of chat a both. Personally I find sometimes I'll just wake up and like look at my wall and then I'll be like and you could just be like. Oh yes, there's you know you just wake up stress and there's like you know, I've heard you talk about like morning. Routines can help with that yeah meditation, THAT'S HOT! I'm saying the first thing that comes to mind. Is that, and I know you're saying what are other options, but I mean that is the best thing you can do in that situation. Even if your don't Meditationis, not your thing, you're non to intorid like taking a couple breats and before you start just getting into the day like take a step back and think about you know. Why am I feeling like this? Do I want to feel like this? Can I fix it before I start the day, or just at least calm yourself down a little bit that'll be the first thing I would say, because I I totally Don' mean timeims you ju to wake up even like in a bad mood and you're. Just like why IM I in a bad moot for this yeah nothing's happened. Well woke up and I'm mad at the world right yeah must have been a bedroom or something sometimes I don't Kno. I think sometimes, when you, when you go to bed in a bad mood too, it can affect means is going to get a bit. You know I don't know to much about sleep, but when you go into bed in a bad mood, that's got to have an impact on how you wake up. You know, I'm sure, because again I I don't Kn W know not an expert but exacyeah sombunch US mind is extremely active when you're sleeping and you've got all those things that maybe you're not consciously thinking about, but it's there. So it's still in your mind, so you you know you on to bed for eight hours six hours whatever it is you're still thinking about it. I would assume I don't know. But but the point is you can when you wake up you can. The thing is, though, the challenge is making a choice to do it, because unless you're just like well, I'm just stressed I'm mad whatever I just get up, and I do it because that's just what hells going to be right, yes, but as like we're saying being satisfied well, if you're going to do that, you got to be satisfied with that. That being your choice or if you're not going to be, then you gotto do something else to make yourself satisfied, which I think is what this all of this kind of comes down to is being yep, okay, with whatever you've decided to do yeah, which is not as much symp easier said. That done, Oh for sure, of course, like what it's something to think about it is. It is something about and makes sense, and it's like relatable, like you know, if you talk to I'm sure, if you talk to a lot of those like life, coaches out there or people that meditate or whatever they'll like the chances are, I don't ealy know what chance ow they'll break it down to. It is, at the end of the day, your decision right and then once you make that decision, and I kind of like okay with coing forward with it, then you can actually take steps and move forward. Well, I was listening to a podcast the other day with the the creator of head space. You know that APP the meation up. It was great to listen to him. Talk because Yoa 've only ever heard him talking the APP and then h was just doing this. PODCAST was great anyway, that's irrelevant, but the point was he was talking about it being a practice right and like it's with anything you want to. If you train ing your mind, is what you're doing that sence, you need to, you know, keep doing it, so it's a routine whatever right. So what he was saying is that sometimes you're going Ta wake up and you go. I really don't want to meditate today and he goes and you do it anyway and then next day you're going to wake up and go. Oh, I actually really want to and then it'll be great and you'll. Do it and then maybe another day you wake up again and it's like. Oh, I really don't want to do it, but the more you stick with it. Then then you know the more you're going to probably wake up, saying yeah. I want to do this, but the point is what I'm trying to say is in relation to this. Is that Sone as you wake up and you don't want to do it, but you you would have to make the choice then right you would have to decide. Am I going to do this because am I going to feel better? You will feel better and you'll. Thank yourself. After doing it, you know it's again. It comes down to that that choosing thing which is not not easy, but no. You can help you out. If you talk to people like we're, saying Oh yeah, I'll, always tall Y, it's the answer. I guess I ranly do think that is the answer to everything. I do think we can get that a sin. Eah Jump on the headspace just before move one like we're talking about schedule right and I don't know- There's Ploce, you know humans are meant to have a schedule or whatever like we like schedule or whatever it is. But if you just stick with it like you're saying it's kind of like anything really yeah chances are. If, if it is good and you've known that it can help you and you stick with it, you'll probably find benefits yeah but yeah. What were we what to say? Oh, I don't know what I said now someont, Oh, I said I think talking or communication is to get life. Yeah, probably I mean it's Kita everything communication. That's people say well, it helps it's not that you know answerd everything, but it would. It helps that's a lie, not just communication, but act OV. Listening, Oh yeah, right, yeah right because you can talk to somebody like. I could talk to you right now and just share a bunch of stuff, but if you're Goan to talk back to me and I'm just not going to listen at all, there's no point yeah one of US could be up in the clouds and it wouldn't work out very well yeah. But anyway I mean I don't know again. I don't have any of the answers to any of this. That's the whole point. Is that we're just talking about it, but yeah I mean is just talking o talking to people about whatever it is. I mean a lot of the world's problems would be fixed because of that, if people weren't, you know, I mean, comes down, I guess being selfish and whatever, because people don't want to talk about stuff but yeah. The active listening thing have you ever thought about this, where you often times people- and this is not like I'm- not calling anybody out- I'm just. I noticed it and other people have said often times in a conversation you aren't listening to the other persons saying you're thinking about what you're going to say. Next, Oh yeah, of course, have you ever thought about that. I've never thought about it. But if you think about it now on it yeah I can like all Rit Hav the bad. I can realize I've done it, especially if I think a pretty good decent example would be of a saring like a class or something. And then the teacher asked a question. Yes, so let's say teacher us a question and then they continue to expand on the question and it kind of like giving Secondar Info on the question when they asked that initial question I'm, like you, know my head's on my page, I'm looking for the answer right and then and then when they say okay, let me hear it then I'll say the answer, but I may have forgotten completely or not even listen to what they said Craig after they askd Yiu, itial question non Meani or even just conversations. I do. I do agree with that. Yeah, that's THAT'S PRETTY COOL! Actually and again, it's not a thing saying you're wrong! I'm wrong anybody's wrong. I think its a habit tha we just have because you know you want to say say things and we you know we like to talk about ourselves, not a bad thing. Well, it can be, but like it's just what we do right, we like to talk about ourselves and what we have to say, but I've only again. I do it all the time, but because I've once I started thinking about this, that, like am I actually listening and hearing what you're saying or because people can say that listen to like whone, I'm saying you look yeah like I heard you, but it's like what did you like, really really hear me and think about like fully immerse yourself and what the other personis saying and then afterward? You know, process it and then say what you want to say, yeah and just being aware of that, because I hadn't done that for a very long time and because I had never, nobody ever said that to me and I never thought about it, you know and hen. I try to be aware of it now it doesn't mean that I always do it and even on here you know I cut people off and Blah Blah Blah, sometimes and yeah. We all do that kind of yeah cop offic wl everything it's something to think about, though it's really interesting. It is, I think, yeah and also it can. It can help just with everything I think like. I know I feel, like things can just be more efficient if it's, if there's like active listing, as well as like communication yeah, because then you'll be able to understand what that person's saying for sure you'll be able to give a effective response based on what they said. Instead of like asking for clarification or asking for further explanation, which sometimes ter sure is deeme necessary, but other times it might not be. Another thing is like taking. It doesn't really apply in day today, life because you know it doesn't really apply, but taking like a second after someone finishes talking to like Youv, been two three four seconds to think about what you're going to say right. It's Li, a debate thing or something like that. Obviously you're not going to do it. The store like if someone says like do anything else and you're like no Yah dont have Todo that I think that's what we chould all do. Alix yeah no Utno for sure, though, but even like yeah like listening just listening. First is basically whati. You Know Whan it comes down to which is yeah, it's challenging and this his really challenged me doing this. This whole podcast thing, because because I have talked to some people that I haven't even talked to before and trying to actually hear what the'r saying understand what they're saying, but I've found at challenging, complete transparency here that you know, I'm trying to think of things to say to you know, create an interesting conversation to you know in some, sometimes I'm kind of interviewing somebody or whatever right. So I am thinking about that and then I forget, you know what they said. So it's a weird again, it's balanced man. It all comes back down to try to balance things. Holly, Oh really, yeah what it it does because and then you cad sometimes forget what someone said and then you, you know you're going to repeat what you said earlier or right whatever it can. It can like be come out of US listing, can also help with we're talking about stress. Like you, don't listen to anybody. I don't know like you're not going to learn much right. I guess you can learn on your own, but listening to help with Thot as well. Well, yeah, leaning on other people, right, yeah and and the other way around, O somebody's talking. You abouts on this Sdresse aboat, just sot of trying to give them. You know the answers which I can speak to because that's the way my braim works, I like to try to help people. So I'm like okay. Well, what can we do to make this bettit right yeah? But sometimes you just needo like just listen, a hundred percent, just listen, what they have to say: Yeah and that's it yeah and and that that I yeah. I agree on that for sure, because I m I'm similar way. Usually I'll. Try to like certain topics are different, like you know, if someone's like, should I do this that and it's like Shi go eat this or Shi could beat that right. You gotta ever by I'll, go verplypu but more serious topics. I definitely agree because a lot of people won't like they're, not looking for an immediate like solution, because sometimes e solution can just be getting it out to somebody and you think you're just there to listen, that's a big, that's a big one for so which which which which I have been a culprit for not doing. Does that make sense. Yes, Lik I toly been like you know, someone's, like you know, they're sad, whatever an I'm like we'll just do this next time and then you know they get more aside and I'm like right, because You'e trying to do it noing way, yeah, but but reflecting it's like well. Why would I, like I understand where I was coming from, but, like you gotta, I got Ta understand where they are at too because for sure and SOM- and I can, if I can be that person as well like if I'm upset or something I'm just like riht I'no, you know rambling on and then someone says: Okay, we'll just do this next time Alex I'll, be like well screw off like. I don't want to worry about that right now. Lik mebe, not you know, but if they join in like then you're like okay, here we go, we can both be mad and we can both move forward yeah. I that's a cool little topic there as well yeah. Well, it's again all depends. I think everything depends. It sounds like it's like the alwaysthe answer. It depends on the generation, an Bali op time. We end up. We well, I guess it just depends. E depends e, go that's the name of this episode. Well, it depends, but but the listening like I you said yourself as well. I really have a challenging time trying to just not do anything when I like, I can see especially fromeone else ide respective, that you can help somebody or like what they could do, but it's like the challenges at that point. You're thinking you know what's best for them, but you don't always know wit's best for them right most of the time. You don't yeah most time you know and if they just want you to listen to them, that you got to just listen to them, which I personally find challenging when and it's something to be aware of right, yeah and I don't know, I think it's definitely hard to understand what somebody wants from you, because sometimes it is just the same, but sometimes it can be other stuff o, like there's a bunch of people that do want you to help them and that's where it's like. It depends like. What do you want to do like? What do you want me to help you out with and then I'll be there, but I kind of need that guidance as well a little bit, which is tough, because it's hard, like I find sometimes when I'm trying to help somebody like I just wish. I knew what exactly they wanted, because I feel like if I ask like they're not going to act, it's hard for them to tell me what, as going to say like so in that situation, how do you know what you need because someimes, you don't know t you need exactly right. So it's just, I mean it's just a typical situation all around, because you want to help you don't know if it's just listening or if it's actually telling he what to do, never telling them what to do cas its ER, assisting them givin right, an option yeah but yeah so and then it's it. Can it can all depend on an then they they, like you said they might not even know at that moment and then it's like all right. Well, I just kind of work through together. I guess yeah so, but even if you're like fully again listening to what they're saying they might end up inadvertently telling you what they need without just saying this is what I need yeah right, yeah like they could yeah. They could say. This is bothering me because this and then you can infer right well, then, maybe we can try this there you go. This is not meant to be like how to be a therapist oneon one by the way areally. Not I WASI was in the back of my head. I was like I'm F, I'm speaking like this is my own experiencas by yeah. No, no. This is just person you now, but I mean I do think Ou Coan t aply to anybody and we have all been through it. You know dealt with thina yeais somebody and you don't know what to do or whatever yeah yeah yeah, but Yeah E's. A couple in you know this tats definitely not a license like therapy sessioners. That's right! No, we don't have our degrees and we don't, but it's fun to talk about now. It is iit talk about good to debate. Like I said I mean people, don't Hes Ay at the grocery store. People aren't generally talking about this kind of thing at the grocery store. So it's a good to have a place to do it and with our with our technology, we can do that. So that's cool. I know I think it's quite fascinating that we can do this stuff now from so far away. Yeah. Do you think here's a big question for you Alex? Do you think that, because of this technology has has made us more connected or less connected, I yeah I'm like on. Sometimes I love panel, no I're not going to use that word here. Sometimes I love technology, and sometimes I don't like. I love it when, when w're recourding, something or being on a computer or like what we're doing now, pretty cool, pretty really cool but man, it coal be frustrating technology right yeah. So that's my personal like just sometimes like. Sometimes it don't when we're talking about staying connected, I mean you get into like the social media talk and I know you get into like. I think the goal of everything was for us to stay connected in a aso in in a media way right like online right and then it kind of took a a pretty big fall. I think yeah. I list you were talking to about that Wash Savannah yeah the social dilemma thing. Have you watched that I haven't watchd, this still yeah, I washed it on so Igott get on yeah. So I can talk too much about that. But that's a prettyexample of what Socia me is doing, but yeah. I think it does keep us connected in in some positive ways, yeah, but I think we've kind of overdone it and it's kind of for serain taken it's like it's kind of getting a little bit negative because I don't ow it could be toxic right like well yeah I mean it's like all of the technology can talk to, but I do think I do think if everyone has the commitment and the discipline like it can be used very, very well. Well, that's a challenging thing right because yeah, you know it's a good thing. Like your saying like this, you know we are across the country right now having this conversation in real time and recording it. It's phenomenal andnd. It helps to you, know, people that are again like this across the world wherever can communicate with each other and see each other text each other talk to each other. Whatever that's again, I mean sometomes, like I really think about him, like I can't wrab my head around that we can do. This is crazy yeah. It is crazy and like before you sorry sorry ecaus! No, no go ahead. I mean there's like those those hands where people can do surgeries from across. Oh, I haven't heard of this. What on Eol you talking about? I'm pretty sure I don't know if it's an natunal thing or Phisis just in development, but like there's electronic hands where people can do like they can do a surgery like I could be doing a surgery in my room where the with the for what it means, inuing the hands across in World Oren or something I I don't know. If that is I guarantee it's a it's been a thought. This is not Ben Os checked folks. It has en fact check, but it definitely I definitely didn't come up with it right now. So it's definitely been a that's right. If you DADT ove with it less patentit come on so okay, but what your technology yeah! THAT'S US! Well, what I was going to say is that you know this is n, interesting social experience, experiment if you've never done it before pull out your phone wher you at a table of people. If everybody's sitting there talking one person pull out the phone, have you ever done this? I have been done this okay. Well, do it an next time you're with a bunch of people? Specifically, you know people kind of our age generally. Parents is different. They don't really have for yew months right, but I know it'll be a while, but anyway we're all sitting around a table and you pull out your phone and you start scrolling on it within about a minute. Everybody else will be on their phone yeah, and what I'm going to say is that this is a bunch of people. If you took a picture of that and Ou rased, the phone situation like Tok, took up the phones, it's just before people looking at their laps or whatever right yeah. I think it's ridiculous that we can be. In the same, I mean I'm guilty of it too, but in the same room you know again we're communicating you might be talking. I might be talking to you across the country, but I'm sitting in a room with real people, so we're actually less connected in real life were more cotect connected online to other people, but not connected in real life right yeah. Another good example, like I totally T at. I believe that a hundred percent will happen like they'll, be often times where I will be with people and we'll just be on our phones and it's like what are we doing and of course we're both guilty. I'm guilty. Of course the one I thing I'm very very guilty of is this is where this is. Actually this is kind of cool. I think so. I got my phone right and I'm on snap chederver stop shotting people in my room and then there's a party downstairs whatever, so I'm downstairs mingling with the people like hanging out talking. I got my phone on me, so I'm still snapchetting other people, so like social media. In that sense, it's like wow like this is allowing me to talk to people that aren't even around me. While there are people around her and se play on almost yeah, but then it's also like, wouldn't it be better if I just said: okay, guys, I'm going Ta like text Youn in an hour or whatever put my phone down yeah and enjoyed the hour with the people. I had around me yeah, because every every every party that I have ever been to or get together or whatever like a people, my age, there are phones everywhere and there are pictures and there are stories being taken and there are texting and there's there's all that stuff and nobody is fully in the room, exactly yeah, it's a and you can look at it, both perspectives. I guarantee some people and I can see where they're coming from is like. I want to Sey to my friend. I want to send this yed at. I want her to be or whatever wone him or hear to beer or whatever, but then it's like the other part of that is why don't we just help pu phones down for a second right and I idn, and then you know, enjoy each other's presence yeah. I know- and I think part of it comes from probably there's some sort of innate human thing, because I've seen a photo they were comparing. It was like look at what technology is done to the kids nowadays and it's like everybody' sitting. You know on the subway R, whatever on their phones and then there's a photo from like the nineteen early nineen hundreds and it's the same kind of thing, but everybody's reading, the newspaper right so it's like is it is it? Is it the technol? I mean it is, I think, to a point. It is the technology is it, you know, allows us to do things, but also it's like, I think, I's, also a point where people just don't always want to talk to each other yeah, which is yeah. I definitely agree, and I understand that because we know when I was going on the subway whatever turned amout month ago. I would, of course, I'm going to go on my phone, like I'm not going to for tend I'm trying to talk to people. I am, though, like thinking like wouldt it be cool. If we were all talking and of course there is people that legitimately don't want to talk right, which is fine like everyone, you know it's hundred r cent, okay, but yeah. I think I don't K for a social. You know, as socialas humans are said, to be ow social animals yeah. We need relations relationships like we're really attached to our immediate. Like you know our phone or our newspaper are immediate. I don't know what it is like I'mmedia like yeah, you know what I mean Lii, believe that's the texcal eter yeah, the immediate a instead of just putting it to distraction it's something to take away. You know, put yourself its aalmost, a barrier between you and the real world in a sense right. Yeah interesting thing is, though I found- and I know I think Yo you saw that I did this. We often think that you know if you're on the subway there you'r like when do we want to talk? There are a lot of people ore. There are people that would not want to talk right or be bothered, but there's also a lot of people. Most people will just talk to you, because I did a thing and it was like for two months or whatever, and every day I met a new person, a stranger right. I did that on the subway the one day, and I just sat down ex this guy and I explaine what I was doing like I, so I wasn't a Weirdo in that sense and he was like yeah like it was a great and we had this great chat. He was. He was just about to head off to Italy, for he was a fashion designer and he was super interesting guy yeah, which I never would have talked to before. You know, if I hadn't and reached out- and I think it' it can be a scary thing, because it's not like part of our society right like if you go on the bus, you go on the subway Youcan, just walking down the street or it t a grocery stor whatever it is. If somebody like starts talking in a full long conversation everybody's, like Oh, that person's weird yeah right, like it's, not accepted as like what we should be doing, which yeah acain it depends but yeah, but more often than not it's a good. It's a good thing. So I would encourage anybody. It's listening to this and you, if you haven't done it, Alex to just just talk to Randa Person. It's hard right now, because we're not really out ind about because yeah we still stuck at home, but yeah or I thought yes, theory did this. You know he as theoryis, yes, yeah, okay, so they did a video where they called random phone numbers and and tried to well, actually they just typed in Randomr numbers, and it took him a long time to find real numbers. But if you went through like a phone book, just randomly picked a real number and just went through until you found somebody, you could find a real like a friend through doing that, like somebody that would want to talk to you anyway. Idon't know it's just an idea. Yeah. That also could be a bad idea. I don't know, but it could be good. It could also be bad at's, who you call you don't know it depends it does man, it does depend. That's really. That's really. Everything yeah kind of besides to everything is the problem. Yeah, there's really never a right. You know it's not like it's. You know, tops whos four. It's never that right specific. When we're talking about this, this whole grand topic and all the other things wee talked about. It does often come bacck to well to me at least it seems like it always comes back to it depends and figuring out what works and reading the room or reading the environment. I guess that's it, though right. It's like judging the situation you're in based on everything like we're talking about neberdy everything you ever ever experienced or thought about, and then putting it into action in that moment and going what's best in this very moment, because yeah he' saying it depends because it does depend on the situation. There's no one answer for everything, Yeah Yeah, but so you brain that's what it comes down to. Basically just be better. Basically, everybody on this planet. Oh my God, that's a lot of that's a lot of pressure, yeah yeah! I now I don't know why the seven billion people aren't listening to me right now and saying just be better like come on. No, it's a yeah, it's just at's it. You know really really listening to yourself or Wut thinking I mean, I think we know a lot more than we know like. We think we know like at any age. You have experience yeah right and yeah yeah and I's one of the. I don't know if I said this in the last podcast, it doesn't matter. If I said it or not, I'm going to say it again. I just heard somebody say the other day T is is what this makes me. Think of we're all learning to live for the first time, yeah B. I've heard that before I don't know, I never heard it. I thought that was phenomenal. I don't know if it's like an official quote or something, but because because this is my first life isup well yeah everybody's. This is their first life. So no I mean people have been around longer done different things, but everybody. Nobody has the answer not like everybody's somebody's, like this is round to baby. Like I know what so I know what I mean this is like. This is Harrison two point. Oh we already did the first one. We got all the you know all the bugs sorted out. Wewe've uped, like the specks everything's great, like that's not the case, that's funny, so so yeah. What a you just it's all learning life is learning it is. It is thanks for that hearison. It is bout learning and I think, a lot of experiences like obviously iave now, twenty years old or twenty years old, so I've had actually, I think, bout that one it sounded like. Are you sure, you'R DWELV or supposed to bay? If I wanted to actually say my age or not, that's why Andi was like twenty years old or whatever, whatever it doesn't matter, something around there, O ver take like twenty years, but so x, money ears on the planet. Certain amount of days you know been awake for all those days. Thank you know gratefully. You not sleeping is that what you're telling no I mean, like you know I, you know I've been at some point in that day I was away right and I was in some sort of I'm really dragging on this point. I think basically, what I'm trying to say is every day have a certain amount of experiences and chances are in some way, no matter how old, if you remember them or not, if impacted you, yes on what you are today right, ut yeah and you do have like I said experience from those things it might not be. You know we might not all have experience running a multibillion dollar company or something you know what I mean like saying, experience as in age or whatever, but we've all experienced different things. Even at the same age, even like you know really young people can can have a lot of experience in a certain area or certain something that's happened to them. Then then somebody else may never experience that right, yeah yeah, it's interesting to think about it is it's cool to think abot. It's quarter, flucked on yeah learning figuring it out. Yea really know hat else es tare, not figuring out, it all depends well I'l. What da Weap it up there. Then that's pretty good chat, I'd, say yeah, I EAN, I don't know any any last words of advice for the people at home, Alex real words of advice would be kind of like just going over what we talked about, like you know, talk to somebody a that. Yadyada find something that works for you figure that out, don't be afraid to grime but don't be afraid to slow down as well. There you and then the other words of avice would be. You know treat yourself every once in a while. That's it fun and then regarding this Covin nineteen stuff, like please, hang in there EA, that's right, it's crazy! Well, there you o that's the thing. Wyse words of Alex Brayman, the you know, don't be afraid of grind, don't be afraid to grime, don't be afraid to let up very, very confusing, but you'll find the balance. Eventually, I hope hat's the goal and then you'll figure it out and you'll, be flying very high. Awesome we're still learning it to plenty of win behind sales. Sall right a with you. Next P, you're interested in more content like this go check out our website at don't settle. Official JOTCA were dedicated to providing resources, information and content design to assist you on your journey of personal growth and, most of all, to help you live life to the fullest thanks. So much for tuning in will chat wit can ex time
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