8 | Self Love, Social Media and God with Savannah Shea
Written By Harrison King
Season 1: Let’s Talk About Life with Harrison King
Love Who You Are and What You Do
With Guest Savannah Shea
powered by Sounder
Do you have negative self-talk?
In the era of social media, and the superficial it is not easy to be kind to ourselves. We always want more. To be more, to have more. This environment is a breeding ground for self-doubt and low self-esteem. It often comes with worry and a negative inner dialogue. But what if facing that inner dialogue, and turning it into a tool is the key to loving ourselves again? On Episode 8 of the Let’s Talk About Life podcast Harrison talked with Savannah Shea about her journey of discovering the power of self-love, through her experience with trichotillomania.
About Savannah
Savannah is a Toronto-based singer-songwriter. Raised in Kingston, ON she got her start surrounded by a beautiful, supportive community of folk, jazz, blues, funk and rock musicians. Savannah thinks mostly about why we are on this earth and the importance of love and nature. Consequently, most of her songs end up being about these themes. She also writes sad songs because she gets sad sometimes. She hopes that through singing and writing she can find words to help explain small parts of the inexplainable and connect with the world around her.
Topics discussed in this episode:
Body focused repetitive behaviours
Genetic conditions
Trichotillomania
Hair pulling
Worrying about other people’s opinions
Self-love
Sharing your self-love publicly
Insecurity
Don’t push the negative self-talk away, acknowledge it and share it with someone
You wouldn’t say the negative things you say to yourself to someone else
Reframing your thoughts
Beauty standards and the beauty industry
Curating what you see on social media
Social media
The Social Dilemma
Curating what you see on social media
Comparing yourself to others
Authenticity
Intentional posting/sharing
Quality vs. quantity
Being in the moment/mindfulness
Social media fast
The Black Lives Matter movement
Active learning
Allyship
Relationships
Intentional friendships
Scheduling conversations/hangouts
Finding friends outside of our direct environments/locations
Letting go of relationships that don’t serve you anymore
Outgrowing friendships
Spirituality
Meditation
Deconstructing what you have been taught
How language affects our beliefs
What/who is God
Building a belief that resonates for you
Sending and receiving energy
Aliens
Are humans inherently good or evil
Creating the glory of God on Earth
Links to content mentioned during the episode:
The Social Dilemma: https://www.thesocialdilemma.com/
Sleep Smarter: https://sleepsmarterbook.com/
No Plan B For Your A Game: https://www.amazon.com/Theres-No-Plan-Your-Game/dp/1250210828/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1616123285&sr=8-1
The Duncan Trussel Family Hour Episode with Russel Brand: http://www.duncantrussell.com/episodes/2020/8/20/russell-brand
Transcript:
I think the human body acts as like a transducer music word for for energy, so you know: There's energy coming in there's energy going out and I feel like my role- is to take the energy that's coming in and turn it into a different kind of energy, hopefully a more positive energy to right to send it back out and then, ultimately, you know when I leave the earth leaving my energy cleaner than I found it, leaving it a little bit more loving you're. Now listening to the let's talk about life, podcast brought to you by don't settle with your host Harson King. What's up everybody welcome back to the let's talk about life podcast, my name's Harrison King and we got a special guest. Today we got someone I know and we're going to I GOIN TA be honest. We haven't talked very much really. I don't know if we've ever talked face to place, but that's why I want to do it here, because she's an incredible person and- and just always, I can see you know- sharing stuff about big, big, larger than life kind of topics and that's what is all about so savannache? How are you doing I'm doing great, that's very sweet. It's true. I didn't totally realize that we haven't ever sat down and had a conversation before but yeah my name's savaniche. We met at Humber, I'm going into my fourth year studying voice at Humber College, an Toronto Great Saod by the way gratsing. Thank you. I mean yeah beyond that, I'm a painter. I've got some, obviously some art behind me. I I like to be creative in all directions and that's very fun. It makes it hard to focus on one thing: Yeah for sure and definitely like. This is the kind of conversation that I love to. Have I usually the first like within the first three minutes about meeting somebody I'll be like. So what do you think about the universe like aliens Gud d like? where? Are you just yet me up with the yeah? I just think it's so fun to talk about stuff that we could possibly never know, and it's like for sure, it's very exciting. So E, I don't have my my covid. My covid has just totally deconstructed my identity. So when you aske me to introduce myself, I'm like I'm, I don't know who I am anyway, which I'm honestly grateful for anyway, Yeah Yeah. What are we? What do we want to talk man ore, so many things you've got like you said what we're just we're just tutting here. So what would what' first thing comes to mine. What do you want to talk about? Well, I mean we. You talked about how thes stuff I talked about on social media just before we started there, and I I like to speak about my unique experiences as much as possible because I think, even though they feel very unique to me, there's definitely like lots of other people, oh for sure, anseing them yeah and from I mean for me, so much of growing up was like about shame and overcoming shame and figuring out what role? Shame playd in my life so like one of those things, a lot of that is like body pot, positivity stuff, but one of the more niche things specifically is. I have a disorder or condition whatever you gwant to call it. It's called Trikotillemania ly, that's a it's such an ugly name, one more Tim! Slowly. Let's get it O trickotilamenia a right Ariht, I'm so trick being the Latin for hair and then like mania. You know, like lots of disorders, have that as the suffix and there's another side of that which is Durematilamania, which is the same condition, but with skin and they're all under this umbrella of BFRB. So this is I'm just jumping into this o you want to Sa Ao dot. Yeah rat love it yeah. This is something that I'm a unique expert on so yeah, so BFRBS, aure body focus repetitive behaviors and a lot of people consider them under the umbrella of mental disorders or mental consitions, but they're actually, genetic, it's actually genetic condition. So you can see it in animals and like evidence of overgrooming behaviors, and so basically what the disorder is for me and how menic fest for me is hair pulling I pull ut, I pull my eybras. I have my Ibrass tattood on yeah. They look fleeke every single bad jhave to worry about it, yeah it's a fun, but obviously, as a young woman growing up in the age of eyebrows, having no eyebrows is like a real big source of Sameso Yeah. I A couple years ago I started talking about that on social media and the first time I ever posted about it. I was so afraid I mean. I think this is like the same story for anyone sharing things, Thar Vulnertalles about yeah for sure, but I was so afraid and then every time I share talk about it, people people message me saying you know I deal with this as well and right, something that really helped me, as I met I'm one of my best friends in the world, tnames Ellen and she shares this condition with me, and so we got to like bond over it and yeah. So that's! That's one unique thing about me: I don't know if you have any questions. No, I yeah. I honestly I've never heard, I know, there's all kinds of of different conditions on stuff, never heard of that specific one. So you saying it's often classified as Li e. A mental thing. Yeah like people try to treat it under the umbrella of mental. Would you say it is I don't? I actually don't think it is, and I did some group therapy on it like so yeah. I guess when I say as a like a mental health problem, yeah people try to treat it with like therapy and the same things. They would try to treat anxiety, depression with, but actually when I did the group session on it, the leader talked about how, because it's a genetic condition, you can take some of the pressure off like it's something you have in your Geans yeah and you know, and I think in the same way, I'm I don't. I don't pretend to be an expert on all mental health, but obviously mental health has genetic influences is rightall right, but this one seems to be a little bit more strictly from the Jens like. I can see it in my family. My brother has it as well. My parents have like signs of it, yea so yeah that, honestly, when I heard that it took a lot of the pressure off because I was like Oh, I don't have to try to use the power of my bro like yeah. I don't know I was like I you know Iyeah, I don't. I don't want to say that other mental health challenges aren't genetic Ik that wasn't yeah. I was trying to Reci, but definitely yeah. Definitely knowing that. It's something that I will have and it's not going away and just like deciding to accept that was a big part of the processing for sure. So yeah, let's get let's get into this. I know you, you said you're pretty open about ewhat chatting about it. Can you just displain a little bit more in detail like what you've had to deal with and kind of what it's what it wha? What is it you know for people that n? Even me, like I don't know, I don't know what they much abouter sure yeah. I'm actually very excited to talk about it because I feel like it's people get like sensitive about it and they don't want to be Ritd or whatever, but we're like in this space where we've decided to talk about, and I think that's great and at's Wawsome, you know if you have. If someone out there has a friend who is experiencing, don't just like go in with the questions at to along this point, ierly that, but so it started it manifested for me ingrade eleven I was doing a musical and every day I had my makeup done and I didn. The only reason I noticed it was happening is because I wasi started pulling on my eyebrows and my makeup artist was like. Oh should I fill in your eyebrows for the show- and I was kind of like I guess so I don't know why. I'm doing this bl Blah Blah and I would say between that first I mean that's like the first sort of serious incident of it. I can look back in my childhood and see like nail biting and, like you know, other small signs of overgrooming behaviors right, but that was the first like one that affected me: aesthetically, which ended up being such a big part of the challenge of it was the aesthetic effect Rgh and then yeah. Between that point, there was probably like, I would say two years of not knowing what it was not knowing that this was a common thing, that there was a disorder name for it. Yeah and I was just like sort of like I don't know, and then my parents also not knowing and then started saying like. Why are you doing that? Stop doing that, and I was like right, extremely unhelpful. I don't know. Thank you it's like, of course I would stop if I could, but I absolutely can't and so yeah, just like I mean really really small things of like there was at some point. There was a transition where I like started. Wearing more makeup and like drawing my eyebrows on and then there was like other transitions where it went from eyerow, so ey lashes, and then I had to like deal with that in a different way and every at every stage. It was like. Oh I'm, so weird. This is such a weird thing. I'm doing how do I yeah? I just felt like an outlier of because everyone around me was not doing that well yeah and it seems like it seems like it's your choice, but it's not right, but you didn't know that at the time yeah it's extremely compulsive, yeah and yeah. I definitely like tied to stress in a lot of ways and has some sort of cyclical effects, because it is a stressful thing to be doing so then it causes more stress and it Yeah Krind of cycle and and yeah. I think, like it's yeah, it's not necessarily about pinpointing one thing that triggered it, but yeah lots of stress and, like I've written quite a bit of poetry about it, but like a lot of the things tthere's like life, things that are affected by it, that, like people, probably wouldn't think about so like for a long time. I didn't have my eybross too tattooed on and I like- wouldn't go swimming in the summer and I'm like an extremely oudoorsy person and yet to be a nature, and that felt like something that was taken mey for me, and I wouldn't you know like sleepovers, were hard and when I moved out of home I wik, wouldn't let my roommate see me with e make a bond I'm goingto go to school like I couldn't leave the house without making on o his armor yeah, and the fear of that was like. If people see me without my makeup, like they Wont Accept Me, you know I won't be beautiful, like conventionally a like I needed, the hat like I was like you know. I feel like a lot of people hold on to that, because e' shure to were taught that it's extremely martened, so yeah there's a lot of like little things and then the other thing is people noticing and saying. What's so, what's up with your face and like kids, especially like right, throu Ital and I worked at a summer camp, and so I would be like why don't you have eyebrows ar like? What's up with your Ey rasp right and now, when I interact with children, I'm like you know, I get to pay my eyeras on every day I don't have night like. I have a whole dialogue, that's really positive and it doesn't feel as bad. But before when I wasn't, I hadn't worked through it. It was extreme. So how did you get to that point? Because because here's the interesting thing I was just talking tot somebody right, I'm reallier Insteid. We were doing this and I was excited about it and they were like. You got to talk about like Selflove, because Oh ye Savannah's, like the Queen of self love and in their eyes- and I was like you know, which is incredible to say a and I would agree again. You know I've only seen your stuff, you posts and things like that, but I have not really met anybody or seen anybody do stuff like that and be so self confident, or at least at least try to you know create that community. And how does you, obviously you weren't there a long time ago right? How did you? How did you get to this point? Oh that's such A. I really appreciate that speet person, thinking that and you know you passing it on it's ver y. it's very nice. I think, like maybe a very I'll, give you a short answer and a long answer. The short answer would be that me. Sharing self love with the world was like an easy way of doing that action. It's an easy expression of selflove to post a picture. For me I mean I know, posting's not easy for everyone. I was already posting a lot anyway and for me to say, like you know, downdown with the system and like I'm Goinna, love myself and just post a picture and then and then share that yeah was an easy way to express theself ove and that also in a Wewourd way get a bit of validation back. So that was like a bit of a cycle of look. I love myself and get the validation. The longer answer, I think, would be that's. Actually I don't. I mean it happened extremely slowly and it's not over like it's very you know, I think the selflove that I'm capable of is limited to myself at the moment. So I'm very good at being alone and like deciding that my body is acceptable and beautiful and deciding that like, I don't have to look a certain way or have eyebrows or whatever to to be acceptable to other people like it doesn't Hav. You know what I mean you ow to se mold or whatever yeah, and I think because I was extremely insecure all through not I I wouldn't say even extremely ans secure, but I had. I definitely was insecure. I built a lot of skills for myself, so I, like you, know, got I' became musician and, like did theater and like I just had a lot going on and I was my person. The person that I was was not defind entirely by how ileced and obviously my parents like taught that to me and stuff as well yeah but the I guess the more advanced step is not pushing the dialogue away. So when there's a dialogue, that's really negative, not saying like I'm going to ignore this like it'll, go away. It's like sitting with it and being like HMM writing it down and being like. That's ridiculous, telling someone. Oh! This is a thought that I've had about myself and then saying, like your friend being like, I would you know, I would never say that to you or realizing. You would never say the things to your friends that you're saying to yourself like it's sort of looking at it head on. I don't know if this is like there's a concept of like when somethings is a frightening, you go towards it and then it becomes less rightening because you get tonede right more, which is often times not. What people know we don't want to do. Right is something scary and whatever it is, I mean even even like yeah just you're going to grow from something. If you approach that or you know what I like to say is that you know if you're scared, O something it's outside your comvered sone. You push that you get outside you just slowly, build hat, what's more comfortable right and then you're able to do bigger things so approaching something like that. That's a that's a interesting topic because I was I was chatting with somebody about that recently. Ow about you know, like you said you say what you've you write down, what you've been saying yourself and you're like? Would you ever say that somebody else or if somebody else was saying that to you are like to another person? Would you like be like Aoin them right? Someone says any of that stuff to me. I would just feel like by you're a bad friend like yeah meed, you in my life. Why do you think? Why do you think it's okay? We let ourselves do that though I well I mean I don't know I doesn't it's not okay. I think it's just like habitual. You know, I think I mean I think capitalism has a lot to do. I was just going to get into like the society te like, I think, we're cultured to be to buy beautiful and like that is you know the I mean the beauty. Instury is a ridiculously profitable right, so the fact that they don't consider the well being of people when they're trying to say products right. I yeah, I think it's. I think it's conditioning my friend Ellen who I mentioned earlier. One said something really great to me, which was like who we are. Isn't our first thought it's like how we react to our first thought or, like the second thought we have and yeah th. The first thougt is what we've conditioned to be yeah econd thought is who we are yeah. So, like you know, when I have these cyclical thoughts, you know like I'll go. Oh, like one of them was like because you don't have eyebrows, you won't be able to find love. You know, I say it a lot and it's like I could laugh because it's just a very silly thing sit, but it's a legitimate feeling that youwere having yeah for sure for sure, but you know say that aloud and for a long time. That was the only thought that was just like the baseline level of thought and then after, like some therapy after like going outside with outmakeup on and seeing that nothing happened, and it was fine like I was okay, isurvived t you know, after confronting some of those challenges. The second thought that came like that first thought would still come because that's how I've been conditioned, but the second thought would come and that thought would be well. That's not true, because your family loves you. You know your friends love you. You already have loveand like what da you. What are you saying about other people that don't have Ibros? Does that mean they don't deserve love Ou ther, no, like, of course not like. Of course they do right. So it's just like the reframe is sort of what I've learned as like a coping skill, tat, Yeense, yeah the what as going to say about like society and stuff lots of what you were feeling I would assume, is you know, because of what you're out outwardly being shown or you know taught growing up, especially you know our generation with the Internet and social media ands yeah right and I don't know if it's a different reason. If you want to talk about it, but I had noticed thyt you're, not on social media at the moment, Iam, not yeah, and we can get a into that in a second. But you know growing up. Did you feel like you obviously felt that pressure from outside outside things? What I know you don't have the answer but list one t talk about like what can we do to start to change? You know that that that, as a societyis going, this is what you're supposed to look like. This is what's beautiful, this is what is you know the mold you supposed to fit, or whatever right, I think I mean already so much has changed from like when I was in grade eleven yeah to now. You know, obviously I would say like I think this is across the board. People now t think this to be true, whether they do it or not, is like just don't let get really young people on the Internetik Kno like if I was, if I was eight or nineor ten and had been on social media that would have like it just does the damage so much earlier and it's way harder to adjust and grow and find yourself after that. I think you know obviously curating what you're seeing to match how you want to feel like. There was a long period of time where I had a really unhealthy sort of like dieting physical exercise, culture, and I was following a lot of like like athletes, and you know women who had extreme like extreme diting habits and that kind of thing and all, of course, all theyre posting is their success stories, and so and then they I just heck, had a day. wher was like. Oh, this makes me so sad. I just unfollowed everybody and then, in terms of it's you know. Obviously, everyone's challenges ar relative, so in some ways mind feels quite small compared to what other people go through, but I would see people with like way more extreme versions of beauty showing themselves and being proud of it and, like you know, I obviously like the explosion of like lgbtq plus culture has given everybody like. If I'm so grateful, because I feel like it's given everybody permission to be more themselves, like all F thes Pale that have been so like oureally grave to just a who they want to be and like whether you're ap part of that culture or not. It's just like. Oh, that was a really good like leading forust into saying, like Oh, you can, and I mean like it's funny, because you know the difference between what happens to someone who, like you, know, the discrimination that a drag queen afd face. Vorses like me, who I only paint him my rose or whatever, like you know, it's a very small version of it, but I don't know: There's a lot, there's a lot of models that you can choose to follow. So it's about like choosing to follow thing like you saying that curating like your fee and I've done that recently again we get to this. I guess I don't have social media you're. Not I have I have it all, but I'm not it's on my phone O, I'm not I'm not actually looking at it and because one of the reasons I did that was because I was seeing stuff and I was like this is not what I want to be seeing like right. It's not the stuff et doesn't put me in at lest same thing is like. Oh, this doesn't put Mein the right head space. So what I've done an when I do look at it like it's ive, try to curate it. What do I want to look at like? What do I want to write? You know help me grow and stuff. So it's all these different. You know kind of personal growth type things for me. It's it is that health and wellness type stuff, but that's what I want to see so and that's a I don't know why that's not a common thing like that's just not if that's what it should be right, tnots O so oul be the should be, but it's like no. We feel obligated to follow certain people or do certain things which is which has been a big big thing so that Curac curating, you know what you're looking at is a is a big thing and it almost happens. Unconsciously, like you just kind of mannedher through and follow people, and then AA sudden. Your whole feet is like nothing. You care about it right, so yeah. I think making that actor choice along the way. Did you, I don't know if you watch he thes social dilemma on. I have a waste AF. My parents just started it. I got to watch it. It's extremely sad. I know I'm sure, like you already know you can predict. You know the horrors of what's coming in, watching that, but yeah yeah. I know I think, like the reasons and I've done different versions of not being on social media and being and it's hard because you know you know when you talk about me sharing stuff like it was a realy there's a lot of positives of it and like the punform as an opportunity to connect with people- and you know, talk about things that are important to me and you know hopefully like reach people that need to hear something that they didn't know about, like that, that's the great side of it and sharing music. I love to share my music, but I was like you know: cost benefit like away Wei. The scales are. Is it really going to make you that much happier if, like every second of the day, you're thinking? Oh, I should posthis what am I going to Havk today she di like? Did I look at the you know? It's and it's hard because there's no like there's no best way to do it, especially no, I don't know what's going on in the world like I don't know, Kn what my friends are doing. I don't there's no other way to get into that world, so I just kind of have to lonely wander through yeah, but my brain has to be the priority. I think yeah. No for sure do you think if you grew up in a time you know similar experiences for yourself, but you grew up in a time. Were Social Meeting the Internet? Wasn't a thing: Do you think Youre You'r? Your kind of you know where you at right now would have happened earlier and you wouldn't have had as much negativity because of the outward kind of stimulus, I would actually say the opposite. I think I would have felt more isolated. I think if I have been living without the ability to like Google Things and Oh yeah, okays yeah like like I'm sort of thinking that prete our current state of the right yeah, I couldn't have done that research on my own to figure out what was going on with me. Not True, and I like wouldn't, have been bu like, and I would have been too insecure to sit down with my mother and be like mom. How of I some? You know what I mea for sure. So I think I would have felt more isolated, but in the same breath it's like you know what t the pressure of it's very it's very hard, because I think I'm just old enough fro'm twenty five and I think I'm just old enough that I escaped to the worst of it like. I really really feel like that and and end the like culture of filters and editing and all that didn't really hit until after, like after I was in it, and so I kind of look at it like from the outside as an observer, and I'm like. Oh, like look ats what's happening, but then I can also see how it's affecting it s. That makes sense like I yeah an it, but I also a OT side of it. I don't feel like I'm totally indoctrinated yeah. I don't know what do you think like do you? How do you really? What is your like? I don't know. I guess I don't know I'm trying to ask, but like do you feel like it makes you more insecure to be on social media like where you're, obviously you seem like a very secure person, but also yeah. It depends. It depends on what first of all obviously depends on. What's going on in my personal lifes and things like that, but the challenge has been recently which I've talked to people about and its because of all this you know covid situation, I've been feeling- and I know a lot of people have pretty lost. You know and like what am I supposed to be doing like where's, the handbook for the Covid Quarantin like what am I supposed to be doing, and especially because I'm taking a year off of school right mm and it's not like I'm, you know done school, so I can pursue life. Well, you know what I mean like career, wise and and there's not really, I don t. What am I supposed to be doing so? Why I'm saying that is because on social media you know, I'm watching people and, like you said people post their good stuff on social media, so everybody's trying to create content and post things, and I'm like that's what I do normally right like I love to do that, but I'm like I D, I don't have any motivation, do that right now for like music stuff, so I'm looking at it and I'm like I I'm failing because I'm supposed to be doing this, you know everybody else is showing and nobody else is sharing that they're having a hard time, look at them, they're just creating stuff. So I in the wrong. You know what I mean, so it depends. It depends like kind of what's going on. Obviously, but it's been a challenge because, like it's just so it depends on the people but overall, not very authentic right and as to what's going on, and someone like you is, you know like you, you are sharing things that are authentically happening, you trying to be open about that, but, as an overall whole, it's not that and that's what I find challenging because I'm you know big on I like it. I want to see both sides. I want to see you, you know doing all these amazng thing jumping ou ouble plane, but I want to see you sharing that you know things have been tough whatever bubble. You know what I mean firm and that's what I find tough about about social media, because it's not it's not authentic. It's like you know. I know people like, and I know personal personally people that are having a really tough time. But if you go on theire Instagram, it looks like they're just having the time thei life m. You know what I mean and I'm not saying S, Anyway's fault, that's how we've kind of it's become, but I find it yeah hard to get up all, obviously, like always a positive experience out of it, because of that for sure yeah yeah, I would yeah. I mean another thing for me that, like sort of adjusted the way, I see social media sorry about that. I mean obviously like the emergence of the black lives matter. Movement had like a big impact on how people are interating, Aon, Social Media and here a lot of positive ways and a lot of really challenging ways like to be observing every single day. The pain of the world like constantly is extremely challenging and also definitely what we like need to be seeing also Wat Yeah Y. AH, because it's like I mean obviously, a lot of white people are going through a huge learning curve when we're really late to the party, and it's like good that it's happening, but also it's late. You know we gotta Yeah O got to figure that out, but like definitely, there was a period of time following like George Floyd and the those protest where I was like I'm not going to post. It's not my place like am not the voice to be speaking right. Now I don't. You know, like I'm, going to use this as a platform to be learning right and then like because I you know this is like I feel sort of uncomfortable talking about this. But obviously I probably should like there's there's a point where my life isn't directly affected by it every day, and I don't experienceis those of prejudices directly, and so I I guess my anger and whatever, like maybe faded a little bit, and I was like I guess today I could post music and there's sort of like this. This, like it, you know it disappeared, which I don't want and y. u you know like that's so much of what's being talked about is like performative allyship, and you know I'm like so I'm trying to my social media presence, since everything that's been happening is like you know. Obviously, I'm seeing Y R elements of myself that are performative and I don't want to be performeative and it's like very easy for me to share o the peoples stories but like what am I actually doing and like yes, I'm saying these positions, but what is I atually doing and so yeah and, like part of my getting off social media, I was like okay. Well, I just have followed all these people to learn more about what's going on in into justis o indigenous culture and in like the black clobs matter, move in and all these things I just follow these people and I'm losing that educational train. So that was like a challenge, but then I'm like now, I'm required a little bit to put more energy into that work. I like do read the news and like Ddo, Hoer yeah, so that I don't know I found that I don't know what your perspective is on. That that makes sense, though hat makes I complete sense. I think. Is You saing? It's not like you know. I fall these people, so I'm contributing or whatever you know, I'm learning just because you you now you have to you know, go out of your way to do the research and right like that, yeah, it's yeah, I sorry can no. I was just going to say that, just in general, it can be good. You know it could be really good yeah like communicating with people seeing what other people ou know are doing, but it's also really bad and is also again the whole handbook thing there isn't one for what you're supposed to be doing and it seems like tit's, always a conflict of what's right, hmm yeah, which is their knawlenging, there's something I don't know if you know Boburnham at all. Yes, I love Boberno. Yes, me too, I really seek out his interviews like on podcast and stuff. I think it really good Interviewe, but something he said was that Wel, no one is taking time into what they're like no one is putting time into what they're contributing before where I'd be like. You have to write a book or like Rigke a record, or you know like if you wanted to contribute culturally. It was like a lot of time and effort and O know, probably some money and there w's, like an investment you're not going to waste that you know yeah you're, going to make sure it's yeah exactly and so now that you can just post like. I do this a lot where I'll just post. Oh, I wrote this verst today and I'll like post, a song that I wrote today, which I think is interesting in some ways, but also the energy that, like it's not the same level of Commiten to an idea and there's not the same work like we're, not using our brains as much to be contributing. Members of society were yeah, throwing everything we've ever known. It's almost like, like a lack of quality right like it's in a way because you're not you're gin. Putting that time and effort into it, yeah, which which I agree is like, is why people can post so much and do so much, but the quality of it is not. You know and yeah not sorry, not to say people aren't putting effort into their Poe. No, no, no for sure lots of people do yeah, but but it ows be to not have to yeah and then and then it can and it can kind of yeah. I can not clutter, but you know what I mean like there's all these all these other things that aren't you know. I don't know like people haven't fully fully like y said, put in time and effort into things Nthe you always have to, but yeah I totally now you mean and depending on what you think the tool is for but like, if you imagine, if everyone could only share once every ten days right like like, if there was a rule put on play, you know yeahsocal mean everyone can only share every ten days like quat like I just can only imagine that the would go way up and people will, like they'll, be more discerning about what they're possing. Yes, like you know, it would be a very interesting thing to see yeah yeah and it's, but maybe it is just like this public journaling exercise like Wereall, just that's true, Jurano or live that don't have to be quality, and you know I definitely will scrall back through my social media as a way of reminding myself where I've been coming from. Yeah am very happy to be off it honestly, it was quite fraught, but what was the? What was the main reason you got off it if you're, if they're, something you an sure, I'm sure about that. A couple of reasons, like mainly I was just going through like a very sad period of my life and like mindlessly scrawling, was my way of not confronting that sad, okay, yeah and I just needed. I was just like so tired of that that I needed to get rid of it sit with Ati and like work through it. You know instead of distracting myself fromtat, but I, like I, you know I have a list of my wall of like things that serve me, things that don't serve me. You know yeah. We know what dos serve me. I know social media doest Surv me like I could just get you know I have you felt better since you've been off it like. Oh, my Gosh, yeah of I mean, of course it's it's so addictive the I think the best part is being able to do a day without thinking about everything as an opportunity for sharing. You know, and I do like they'll, be like a now senset and be like. Oh, I wish I could and I'm like look at the sunset in front of me: enjoy the sunsere Tein the moment with the sunsset yeah for sure yeah. I agree and I've. I think everybody is I'm guilty of that like whe, I'm doing something, especially because I like to make you know, production type things. So I'm like Oh, yes happening. How could I capture this to make it entertain? Yerysind, I'm like listen, I'm here. Why don't I just enjoy the you know, experience at the sunset like yeah yeah. I felt the same way like I got off it because I was spending ridiculous amounts of time on my phone yeah like eight hours a day. My screen time was, and I was like doing what what on everything I T and I've never thought of being someone that is on my phone very much and I was like looking at, I was like no. This is ridiculous amount of time and all of it was like instagram and and and things- and I was like- I don't need this, because I'm not getting any personally any benefit out of it, like you know, ob, the opposite, yeah, the complete opposite and a San thing souns, like is mng making me feel good, I'm seeing what people are doing, but I can also do that by having a conversation calling somebody oup so so I got rid of it got rid of all of it and even like Youtube and Netflix o everything got rid of all of it. No Nolik I've been I've been using NEFO, but not on my phone, like I Tok t off so o it all uff my phone and maybe like shock like you're, not on. I know Fik serious, but I mean net like Tis another like dark hole that yeah different thing of trash. Like I know television, but I was worried, not worried, but, like you know, we have a thing Yore, it's an addictive thing right like we're all addicted to it, because that's ihave watched the show, but I'm assuing it's toll. It talks about right o because it's designed that way, but anyway I got ut down as like, I'm I'm worried and I'm gointo like miss it or whatever, and after about like only a day honestly, it was like a day and I was like I didn't even think about it anymore, and I was because it wasn't there to. I didn't have that trigger to like look at it or click on it, because I would realize actually, the day after because I had instagram, you know wit'sin a certain spot on my phone I'd pen, my phone and I click on that APP and all of a sudden I got maps opened and I'm like Ra am I di. Oh I'm trying to click on instagram like it's a habitual thing, and I was like I got A. I got to break this, so it's been like two months: Oh wow, that's I download instagram to check on things every once in a wile. There's! Actually a if you didn't know you know facebook as Messenger Instagram, I as a thing called thread. So it's just just messages for instagram. That's game, changing yeah, so I I still can keep in touch with people if they send me stuff or whatever. I can still see it, but I'm not actually on the APP just interesting little bit of information, but that's very helpful. I downloaded facebook and instagram for like two days was like okay, it's been a while lit's put it back on and all of a sudden right away. I was like on there looking at it and I was like I don't want this, so I just I just keep it it off. They ont, like you, said the challeling thing is like trying to see whateveryedy's up to so I do go on an mose while I'l go ont of my computer or something, but I give my self time limits, but there's just I found U so much more time for genuine things that I want to be doing. You know I mean I'm reading, you know I'm Greati'm, you know whatever I'm doing other things and it's things that I feel are more purposeful and that doesn't mean for everybody, but no, I think that's. I think that's great, I think. For me, the big thing is like I can't I have to deactivate like I have to the count has to disappear, because what I find addictive is the promise of some outreach, like the promise that Oh somebody posted something I want to see or somebody message me. You know what I mean. So if no one can reach me, no one can, like my pose. No one can say anything don worry about it that I don't have tor about yeah but yeah. I definitely have to figure out something for like from a business pespective, because obviously I'm going to be using social media right, promote myself as a musician. So but that's like a down the line situation yeah, I was gonna. Ask you what you're reading what I'm reading at the moment- sleep smarter by Sean Stevenson? Oh yes, yeah! I just finished whas. It called there's no plan B for your a game. Oyeah good book, a good book, Ou're nonfiction, nonfiction reader, its also Mei bk, big self, help Guy Yeah. No, I'm the exact same. I have here. I have the war of art. I don't know. Oh yeah read that no a'm, just just starting an in break through the blocks and win your inner creative battles. It's great yeah. You can no whatever read whatever you want anybody, but but the point is social and the same thing. I want to say with social me because we're talking about this, I'm not trying to tell people they have to delete it or give her o your count or whatever I want to just tell people they have to. I just want I want to. I mean I do to, but I don't want to force him. My do anything try it. I guess is what I'm trying to say at least try it, because we all did it. Then we would come up with something better to like this ye connected y. that's do it together as being on something together, yeah, crazy, stuff yeah. I Ot we cet chat o with that because I haven't. I haven't really. I've said that to people and they're like. Why are you not? Why are you not on it, because it's just such a big part of what we do right yeah, but I was like, have you heard less of me like less fom me? Are you like missing Ethin like no I' like? Well, then whats Thi, it like wasn't wasn't matter. You know, ure Tik, you like is your replace, like do you eve, eplace em behaviors, like I find thim texing people every day and calling people like I wouldn't text people before, but I'm like reaching out. I don't know what do Youi've made at. I don't know if it's related to that, but I've made it an effort because of how I've been feeling and I'm separated kind of from everybody know out there, I'm in a different place right now, I've been making it like. I it sounds my friend is making fun of me, but I like schedule phone calls, wil be no. I so like ie get like three or four calls with friends next week. You know what that is, that's maintaining adult friendships like that is what that shit is yeah and and it's so it's so necessary, and maybe that's at I mean maybe that's a product of that, because I'm not seeing people because you kind of feel like you're, interacting with people, if you're just scrolling through you see their face. But yeah I mean that's one thing I've done and it's so much better because you can have a conversation with somebody. You know and actually see, what's up or whatever, and you don't t's like all go to the same elementary school and that's not where your friends are you a to like put the effort in. I have one friend and we like we'll, hang out once every month or whatever, and we like plan a walk like it's just so adult and and it just works like it makes sense to actually put those things in your. I think it's important you got to gotta maintain like friendships like that. are here's something. So you probably heard this, but I think it's really interesting hat somebody's talking about. I don't know if they call them intentional friends, I believe, but they said most of the time on Ouan average you know elementar school high school, whatever even university. Your friends are based on your geographical location so where you are even at work right. So if you got friends it because you're in the same place, but how often do we intentionally seek out people that we want to be with? You know, so it's like listen, I'm interested in which swe wile talk about. We should talk about right away like meditation, so you know it doesn't mean we go to music school, so it doesn't mean everybody's interested in that. So you know music friends talking to people wit, music, Blah Blah Blah great, but I want maybe people more in this category and let's seek it out, which is what part of this is you got to actually like seek out to people you want to want to want to. You know, talk to hang out with HM. I feel like we do that for our like romantic relationships, pretty well like we, yes, you know, and people talk a lot about. You know right a list of the things you want in a partner or, like you know, but not for friendships, thou, no, which is just bizarre because friendships like a lot of the time unless you're in, like a great long term relationship, are like so much more eah valuable and will like be there for your whole life and of course you should be like maintaining those things I don't know yeah. I think a friend Holly and I we discuss a lot, how people undervalue a friendship as like an important relationship in a life yeah yeah, no, there's, yeah and having you know, I think another thing I'm learning about growing up is having the wherewithal to say this person doesn't serve me in my life and I can like. Okay here we go. This is I just had a conversation with somebody wiut this too yeah and like Yep, it's not hurting anybody, they don't need me, like. You know this person, like whatever a'd like letting go of those. I think, there's a lot of pressure to like be like Chum you with everyone, but it just doesn't. You know you can be kind, but you don't have to maintain friendships with everybody WATL I don't like bout. Social media is tha people always say you know, cut out the toxic people in your life, which I understand where it's coming from completely agree. I don't like that term. I don't know if you know, because I really don't Ik, I'm like you know. Let's say me and you we're friends right and I'm, like you know what Saranas not really providing me with things I feel like. I need my life right now. You know get a got of cut off that connection, but going just like no like I'm not talking o anymore. You know, that's it! I'm like that's a little. Let's approach it with some love like and because just because I don't serve you as a friend doesn't mean I'm toxic. Like yeah, I mean yes, I'm fine, yes, yere's Jin and you Gofriendyeah ougrow relationships, friendships. You know, but I think I think the idea should not be a negative thing. It's like now. It should be more of a positive thing like we're both yeah kind of growing. Apart from each other or whatever at least that I'm feeling like, and I think everybody has n their lives, we feel obligated to stay with friends. You know what I mean like you, wouldn't stay with a you know, a romantic partner if they were making a feel the way you want it or you know, Yeah Yeah. We definitely undervalue friendships for sure. It's sort of a nice, like you know, there's all these little weird silver linings of Covid, but, like you just start deciding who to stay connected with more actively, you know yeah like who has a Whoam, I going NA phone call, you know yeah and a on your life. If anyone is listening that I haven't phone called it's not Becaus, I don't love you, but like it's, you know there and there are people that you know you need to talk to you more and then there are people that you can see every four years and your catal friends- and you know I me it doesn't not a Er relaionship- is the same for sure anyway, you 're Goingnao, ask me about meditation, or we re, I wit, met tous. Get in meditation, I was going to say, were way Pastd I now it doesn't matter, but we ere you talking about. You know how Youre kind of dealing with you know, insecurity and all that stuff did. That was. was you a pretty spiritual person? I would probably say so, but I want to yeah. Is that a had of role in any of that getting to getting you to like where you are a hot of roll? Has it had a role so had a rol? I thought Youwere Saing. Are you a hat of role? I was like o fun phrase. No, oh! I I'm going to just go ahead and say a hundred percent responsible for my gro EA wow yeah yeah, because it it comes into every every interaction. Like the things that I learned through my I don't know like spiritual study. I guess I would call it yeah. They are like these, like phrases, and these like ideas that I like live my life by so I would say, yeah, there's so much of it. Just like. As a little background, I grew up in church going to Presyterian Church, my uncles, a minister yeah and then had a whole thing of like. Oh, I don't agree with this language. Like I don't rlike the language. I don't like how it excludes me as a woman or whatever, and then stepping back and there's a guy whos name. Is Richard Roer he's a he's, a priest of some kind, but he talks about every person to have a functional spiritual life has to go through a deconstruction of what they were taught yeah and then like this reconstruction process, so yeah that has been my last like five or six years. So that's where I'm at what about you yeah, I I guess Youan background my grandparents, both very Christian. We went to church. I was really young, like yeah, but but it's always been around me and I've always had this weird relationship with religion, because because I've only recently kind of got this understanding, the religion and spirituality or two different things, because I was like no this is it like you just you know, greed the stuff a, and this is what Jesus was doing and right whatever and that's you know it's very different thing but, like I says the language of how everybody's talking about the same thing, that's what IV realized. Oh everybody's talking about the same thing, we're just talking about in different ways, even like different religions. Right, I would say that, like every love based, faith is talking. Yes, yeah for Sare, some more challenging correct beliefs that there scientology what yeah yeah, but I yeah like I guess, I'm more from the kind of quantum physics type realm and and all that stuff, but but kind of really getting into that. As made me just see life differently and approach, things differently and and and really feel like. I have a you know, sense of purpose and I've. Always this what I found challenging because people always talknd about God, I always, and I think a lot of people have like, especially as a kid thinking of him as like actual person. Oh yeah right like that, like a physical being and cloud and then beope and then people go like God. Is You and me I'm like yeah, I'm talking about is this man, but then you know starting to realize t at what they're talking about just kind of like you know, universal consciousness or whatever you want to you want to say, and then try to put that into into my brain is what I've, what I've been fowasing about? How? How is it e? What do you? What are you up to first yeah? I lot like the I. The idea of the word God to me is such has been such a big part of this journey because yeah like the way God was sold to me, I was like no well for a long time. I was like yeah and then at some point I was like no yeah, but I'm getting I'm starting to get some sunlight. Ias. Nice is good, okay, great, but yeah so like in this process of construction and deconstruction. I went from really hating that word because it stood for something that was so specific for me and, like so exclusive like I was like, I no. You know to say that this God, this, like Christian God, is the God. I was like no, no, no, no and yeah, and also like no offense to anyone who believes these things. Oh yeah, not at all. I have havea open discussion about it. I'm going to Jus back up, so I'm in the shade, but my caviat to all of this would be whatever you believe is true. So if you believe something and it works for you and it like makes you a more loving person, I support you and I think it's actually true for you, because everything else like reality is constructed and so construct yourself belief and go for it. That's another! That's another day, that's right and also like the question of what happens after Youdi. It's like honestly, whatever you believe is true, because you live your life and then you die and then it doesn't matter because I mean that maybe is offensive to some people. I don't know, but it's like. If you go your whole life, believing some x will happen after you die who's to say, that's not going to happen. I don't know anyway anyway, so for me, yeah didn't like the word God and then did all this work and was like yeah like the universal conscioens like consciousness. This, like energies like or like the one energy collective, whatever had all these different versions of that word, and now I don't I wouldn't choose. I use I write music with a lot of like sort of religious like tone like things that are God related and what it just took the a while for me to like be okay with that word again like I came back to that word because I realized oh now. If I take lessons that were given to me through the Lens of the work I've done to reconstruct this idea of God, I'm like Oh this Lis. You know, God is love and I'm like. Oh, yes, the universal consciousness is love like this makes sense to me. So it was just a yeah that I mean that's a the language is such a big part of it. I wrote this this poem about Iyeah. It was about a bunch of different things, but the last sort of stanza that I, like think about a lot as a reminder to me is language, is a hammer inadequate enough to shatter every God. They've tried to sell me up in heaven down and Hell and in the end, when it's all broken, it's the pieces that will matter and I'll plant them in my garden to grow, something that will feed me. Oh my God. Oh my so wow. Thank you. I mean not my thoughts, you know just just whatever you know putting them on putting them on paper yeah, but this idea of, like you, know, sell me whatever you want give me everything like I'm going to take whatever I can and then I'm going to find the pieces that, like make me a better person, make me more loving, whatever and y a use them to grow. Some like hybrid yeah, Yeah Spirtal, Oh my God, I have so much. I would could say about this. I could go on and on ND fight wit, you be talking were her. I guess like if I were to summarize what I think, like the point of it all is yeah. I was talking to my friend over Campir the other night. I like said this and I caught myself saying I was like. Oh that's G, that's it that's what I think in this moment. You know it'll change the in month from now, but I think the human body acts as like a transducer music word for for energy. So you know, there's energy coming in there's energy going out and I feel like my role, is to take the energy that's coming in and turn it into a different kind of energy, hopefully a more positive energy to right to send it back out and then, ultimately, you know when I leave the earth leaving my energy cleaner than I found it, leaving it a little bit more loving because there's so I mean. Obviously human history is fraught and very dark, and so there's all this handed down trauma genetic trauma and I think, we're the generation that has you know. Obviously, the ability to work upon this kind of stuff and this the time and resources to think about spirituality is like a huge privilege right. Not everyone has 't like if you'r basic need their met. We're not you're not going to sit around talking about yes, wow you're enery, you know whatever, but yeah. I think we have the ability and and maybe resources to start that healing process, hopefully yeah anyway. I really like that. The term like, like you, just saying, you're kind of a in a way like you're taking in things and cleaning it up right and H, and I'm putting it back out and, like O, you said, leaving leaving this current state. You know with everything cleaner than you found it. It's like the classic camping rule like leave. You know to take only pictures leave only for prints like leave your camps, that cleaner, theyy foundit there you go. Cam Sade is just your life yeah. Also when you ask about insecurity right like if I'm looking at my as my body as this like as this transut ducer for energy, you know it's such a miracle. It's such a gift that I have this this container to like pass energy through, and it makes me so much more able to love myself instead of looking at myself as Savannah, I'm Savannah. This is my identity, and this is my body n. This is how I look, and you know hat I mean like it: just takes the ego out of it and also not to say that I'm a perfect transducer, I often will put up energy that I don't intend to put out, and I likr the process of learning how to do this work is like the reason I'm curious to learn. This work is because I want to be a good transdusor right. Yeah we were just talking about. I was tenng with Trak. We just were talking about. Even if you do sthing like say something like that that you didn't mean- or it was more of a negative thing- everything he goes. What his phrase was you made a dance period like you did something it's going to affect somebody else in a good way, a bad way, whatever it's, but it's going to affect. You know you still are having an impact, so it obviously want to try to make it in the good way or you know and being you know like you want. But if you don't it's still, it's still: Okay and beneficial, assuming you're, not just making that your life purpose, but for sure and to a degree there's room to correct. Like you know, Yeah Bu say something I don't intend to say to someone and then immediately, I'm like. Oh I'm, sorry like I'm projecting, because I'm having this kind of bad day. You know what I mean like there's a way to do that and I'm hoping culturally we're shifting to allowing for mistakes and allowing for we're not in that space at all. Right now, but it'd be great. If we could, like, I mean another whole thing of like how we treat people who do things that are wrong yeah, but I mean a box lock them up. Put them away like that to me that whole so structure is completely broken, not just into a lot of people, but you know when we can't allow people to be humans and do things that are wrong. It doesn't allow for, like healing, and it also puts a lot of pressure on yourself if you're, not allowing of other people yeah wow yeah. I have like three more things. I would love to say no go yeah Erei were here, just go talk, okay, great, so this is like. I don't know if I can mention another pod on your pod, but the Duncan trussel family hour anyway. There's an episode with Russell Brand. So I'm a big Russell Brand Fan. I don't know if anyone he has a podcast he's it's hard, it's hard being a student of like spiritual teaching, because you kind of look at your teachers and you're like what gives them the you know like Yesh. Do I really want to put this person up on a pedestal like what' WHO's, to say, they're, not like just a cullleater in the Marki right, but I do like what he says and he this podcastest episode, he sort of said a couple things that really hit me in a big way. So this is not. These are not my things but I'vd liked to pass them for it, because it's really good. So the first one was we US talking about aliens and he said: If aliens came to Earth they would come as humans because they would come like looking like humans, because they're more advanced and they know that's the best way to communicate with us right but which I thought was so cool just as like a fun thing, because we're so certain that, like you know, were the most advanced yeah species, no, I wouldn't say or just yeah like the idea that aliens will come in this. Like Weird Mon, you know the way movies perfeat portray, but it's like, of course, any thing: U in the universe that has the ability to reach us would probably be more loving. They've, probably gotten past this point that we're at right now we're eeall like very hateful and we're fighting. You know anyway, that's one small thing: that's not really Bo for tell hat I like yeah for sure and then the spiritual thing that I loved you know the question of oure humans. Inherently good. Are they inherently evil? That comes up a lot, if feel like? We people talk about that yeah and Russell Bryan gave these examples of text an illustration of William blakes. I think I forget, I think, that's it and it's you know. Images of God, saying to Jo but being like here is the lavithin. I made it just as I made you and then it's like this depiction of this disgusting Monster Whatever and then Job Lok O. that's the same thing as me, and then it's like here is the megaladon or whatever he's like all these monsters throughoutistree this book, showing these illustrations and what Russell took from that is that you know God isn't good or evil. God is indifferent. Whatever the life forces that created us is indifferent, and so it is ourd job to create the words he us is ore. It's our job to create the glory of God here on Earth, because if we don't it doesn't exist, and so that's like right like if God is just indifferent, God created good God could et evil. Like all of these things right- and you know, you read- and I think it says in the Bible, like all things are created under God, right right, and so it in terms of like as someone who every day is like what am I supposed to be doing. Why am I here like? What is the point? And it's like? Oh, if I can create this goodness, like the goodness of the one energy like it's my job, to create that because without me doesn't exist and our consciousness like gives us, the rare pportuu t do that to do that, yeah make a choice for sure it's my little, I just that was like a couple weeks ago, O it's Sol fresh and I was yeah excited about it. Now, that's amazing! That's that's what I was saying like people say you know you are: Are God in that sense? Right, like you have to create whatever you were coming n God and this in this instance, but whatever you want to call it and it's nice to allow for, like both sides of dark and light inside yourself, like, I don't think it's too much pressure to be only like yeah, you can be. You can be human yeah, I' good met. Well, I think well, we'll wrap it up there. For today we could talk man Youd I this could be an this- could be a Joe Rogan Podcasto like eight hours. Thank you thank you for halving on here. Yeah. Thank you! So one and yeah we will tch ou next week, you're interested in more content like this go check out our website at don't settle official JOTCA ore dedicated to providing resources, information and content designe to assist you on your journey of personal growth and, most of all, to help you live life to the fullest thanks. So much for tuning in will chat, wet can er time
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S1 E7: How To Discover Your Purpose
With Guest Tarik Henry
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