2 | Why We Complain and How To Fix It
Season 1: Let’s Talk About Life with Harrison King
It’s Not Your Fault You’re Being Negative
With Host Harrison King
If we know complaining isn’t good for us, why do we do it?
Complaining is the expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance about something.
Life is great! But often when we get into a conversation with someone else about life, we tend to focus on the negatives. If you really feel like you love your life, why on earth would you focus on the bad parts? Well, it’s not actually your fault. Our brains are designed to recognize patterns and after all, we are creatures of habit. The more you complain, the more you will continue to complain. But the good news is - you can fix it! It isn’t an easy path, but the road to no more complaining is within reach. In Episode 2 of the Let’s Talk About Life podcast, Harrison King dives into the science behind complaining, negativity, and offers suggestions on the best ways to start reversing it.
“It’s far better to be alone than in bad company”
Topics discussed in this episode:
Complaining is a negative thing
We complain about once a minute
Complaining re-wires your brain to complain even more in the future
Neuro pathways
Putting out negative energy attracts more negativity
Excess cortisol can create health problems like weight gain
Complaining releases unnecessary cortisol
Complaining doesn’t have to be external or a verbal thing
The average person has 50-70,000 thoughts a day
2/3rds of the thoughts we have are negative
Complaining takes place in your brain
The opposite of complaining is gratitude
Gratitude is being grateful and seeing the good in a bad situation
Complaining can create health issues, whereas gratitude can do the opposite
Practicing gratitude releases dopamine and become addictive
Gratitude journals
Reversing the neuro-pathways created by complaining requires actively trying to change habits
Surrounding yourself with positive people
Mirroring: We mimic the thoughts and actions of others
Mirror neurons in the human brain
Empathy
Pro-social behavior
Craving
Inheriting psychological trauma
Happiness
Deep down happiness is a choice
Make it a priority in your life
Transcript:
Two-thirds of the thoughts that you're having on a day-to-day basis. And we're having like tens of thousands of thoughts, right? Like two thirds of those are negative.
You're now listening to the let's talk about life podcast brought to you by don't settle with your host Harrison King.
Hey everybody. My name is Harrison King and we're back for another episode of the, let's talk about life podcast. If you're new here, um, would you probably are, cause this is episode number two. Um, I just want to let you know what this is about this podcast. Obviously we're talking about life, but what does that mean? You know, uh, and, and the point of this is to talk about things we don't normally talk about, you know, um, you're just out for, for a walk or whatever, and you're chatting with somebody and maybe these aren't things that you're normally gonna, you know, things that aren't going to be brought up and you're not going to chat about. And that's what this podcast is about, is about exploring some of these topics, providing you with information and resources, um, and helping you to grow. Right. And that's the whole, that's the whole point.
And I've got a great topic for you today. Great episode coming your way. And I'm very grateful for you being here today and taking the time to listen or watch if you're watching what's up. Um, and, uh, yeah, let's get on with the topic of the day, which is complaining, um, and complaining is very an interesting thing. Um, I've, I've done a lot of research and looking into it and it's quite a peculiar thing cause we all do it. Um, and you know, it's really easy to do, but why, why do we do it? Cause it's not a great thing and it's a lot of negativity, right? So, um, we're just going to start off with, you know, if you don't know what complaining is, which I'm sure everybody does, but the definition of it is the expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance about something. So you're annoyed, you're dissatisfied, you're not happy with, with something.
And you're explaining that to either somebody else or out loud or to yourself or whatever. Right. That's what complaining is. Um, which inherently is a negative thing, right? Like it's not, that's not something that's positive if you're, if you're complaining about something. So, so complaining and negativity kind of go hand in hand. Right. Um, and, and some interesting things about that. You know, we have lots of conversations day to day in, uh, in our lives. Um, and the interesting thing is that people complain about once a minute during a typical conversation. Um, and the weird thing about this is that your brain starts to pick up on patterns, right. Of things we do, because that's how our brain works. Everything that we do, it picks up on patterns of, um, you know, whatever and builds habits. Right. And it starts to develop neural pathways is what they call them, uh, that are dedicated specifically to the activity of the thing that you're doing.
So in this case, it's complaining, so essentially complaining or doing any kind of activity, right? Yeah. Are something repetitively rewires your brain in a way, uh, to make it easier to do that thing in the future, right. Is kind of creating like a, well, like a path you're walking down, uh, you know, in the park and, and the more you walk down a certain path, it's going to kind of get, um, you know, beaten down the grass and, and that's where people are going to tend to walk because it's already, it's just the easy way to go. And that's, what's happening in your brain with these neuro-pathways that you're creating. And, and that's what happens with complaining. The more you complain, the more, um, you know, these, these neuro-pathways are strengthened and, and you just, it makes it easier to do it in the future. So complaining
Is rewiring
Your brain to make it easier to complain in the future. Um, and obviously this happens with other things too, but we're talking about complaining today. So, uh, it kind of creates this downward spiral effect of, of, you know, you start to complain, it creates these, these pathways and then, and then you do it more and then you're complaining more and it's just this bad, you know, negative cycle, but we can't really control it. Right. Uh, at least we don't think we can control it. So we'll get to that in a little bit here. But, um, we were talking about complaining being, being hand-in-hand with negativity. Right. Um, and negativity, uh, really is the enemy of happiness. Right. You know, people want to be happy. Everybody wants to be happy. Uh, I mean, I'm not, I'm not saying you have to be happy. Cause some people, maybe you don't want to be happy.
That's, you know, that's up to you, but, but most people want to be happy. Right. And, and that's kind of one of the big goals in life. Um, and, and I think one of the things that people think is, you know, being successful, you're happy. Right. Um, so negativity, you know, is opposite of that. Right. Um, and, and the thing about negativity and, and just negative things in general, but you're putting out negative thoughts or feelings or emotions or whatever it attracts more negativity. Right. Um, I mean, it's the same thing with positivity. If you do that, you can attract positive people, positive thoughts if you're being positive. But if you're, if you're being negative and complaining, it's gonna attract more negativity. Right. Um, now here's an interesting thing about how it affects your body. Cause, cause you may not think it is, you know, it's just more of a mind thing, but the mind body are really interconnected.
Right? Mind, body, spirit, all of that. Um, it's all, it's all one big thing and everything from each specific aspect affects the other one. Right. So, uh, so the interesting thing here is that complaining causes the body to release the stress hormone cortisol. If you've heard of cortisol before, many of you probably have, it's a, it's a word that's used a lot. Uh, and also often has like a negative connotation of cortisol is bad, but it's not actually bad. Um, like for what it's supposed to be used for. Right. It's supposed to be, um, it's, it's a necessity in the body. Like it's a hormone that's needing needed to be used. But the thing about, uh, well, what, what is cortisol, if you're wondering, it works with parts of the brain to it basically controls your mood, uh, motivation and fear. So it's, it's best known for triggering that fight or flight response.
So we, we call it right. Um, the thing about it is that, you know, after dangerous pass, so you've been, you've been spooked or you're scared or whatever, right after that, that, um, has passed your cortisol levels should, um, return to normal. Right. But the thing about it is that excess cortisol can result in anxiety, depression, headaches, heart disease, trouble, sleeping, weight, gain, uh, diabetes, and can increase your chances of having a stroke. Right? So there's all kinds of things that if you have excess cortisol, which is, it is necessary, but if you have too much of it, right. Um, and, and after things which are supposed to return to normal, and you still have a much, a budge left, that's what it can cause all these bad things. Right. And those are things directly in your body, but not what, what does this have to do with complaining? Right. Well, I said here complaining causes the body to release the stress hormones
Cortisol. So by complaining, you're releasing this hormone and you're
Now having an extra amount of it because it's not being used for something that the body is supposed to use it
For. Right. Um,
That that fight or flight response is not doing that. It's, it's just an extra thing you're adding to your body's intake of cortisol. So now you have an extra amount
And essentially complaining
And negativity, things like that can lead right. To all these lists list of things here, but like weight gain. Right. Um, now it's not going to be the main contributing factor obviously, but, uh, but it can, you know, it has, it has something to do with it. Um, so let's really, really interesting that if you've never thought about it like that, like it can actually affect
Your body. Um, and,
And you don't realize it. There's a lot of things we don't realize like that. Um, and the problem with this is that almost everybody obviously already has these neuro pathways created for complaining. Um, because it's an easy thing to do. You know, everybody, like I said, everybody does it and it's, it's, it's the easy thing to do. Um, and even if you don't think you do it much, like everybody does it, I mean, I'm not saying I'm, I'm above this. Like, of course I, I complain all the time too. Everybody does it. Um, but this is just kind of to provide you with some information and it start to be aware of it and maybe, um, you know, think of, yeah, just being aware, you know, of when you're, when you're doing it. So like I'm saying it's very common, uh, to complain and everybody already has these neuropathways done, uh, in their brain. But the thing about it is that the pathways aren't able to go away on their own.
So now you've
Got these, you've got these, these paths in your brain dedicated to complaining, make it, making it easy to complain. Right. But they can go away. They're not just going to go away automatically if you like stop complaining for a bit, right. You have to actively do something about it.
Um, and it's
Something we're gonna get into right away here. I'll give you some, uh, some things maybe you
Could do to, to help,
Help start to reverse it. Right.
And here's the thing we're talking about. Most people are thinking
About, you're talking to another person, right. You're saying, Oh, I, uh, you know, this, this project sucks. Um, with whatever you're doing or school, class was horrible or whatever you're doing. Right. And, and, and, uh, it's too hot out. Right. That's what the case is today. It's hot
Here. It's like going to be 36, I think. Um, so we're sweating
Here, recording this, it's warm. Um, uh, but yeah, it complaining, um, is something we think that it's, you know, it has to be external, but it doesn't have to be external, uh, or even like a verbal thing. Like you don't have to actually say it out loud because, um, it'll still have negative effects, even if it's in your mind, which maybe doesn't make any sense, but let's, you know, let's dive into this for a second. Uh, the average person has around 50 to 70,000 thoughts a day. Right. I didn't know that that's a lot of thoughts. Right. And you think a lot. Um, but I mean, lots, a lot of what we do is just think right. Um, 50 to 70,000 thoughts,
And the thing is about 60 to 70
Nice percent of those thoughts. You guessed it are negative.
So like two thirds of the thoughts.
So you're having on a day-to-day basis and we're having like tens of thousands of thoughts, right? Like two thirds of those
Are negative. There's so
Much more negativity going on, even in our brain. Um, just because of how we work then than there is positive stuff. And the thing about this, like of St complaining and the negativity doesn't have to be a verbal thing. It's what goes on in your brain as well. Even subconsciously, even if you don't see somebody for a whole day, you could have a lot of complaining happening. Just even if you're not talking to anybody, you could have a lot of complaining going on in your brain. Um, and like I said, the problem is that these pathways that we've created, because it's so easy, it's why you're doing it. Even if you're by yourself, they can't go away on their own. So I'm going into a little more on, uh, on what happens. Um, well, you know, let's talk about something how we can start to change this, I guess, um, because if they're not going to go on the way away on their own, you know, um, we need to do something about them. Of course.
So the opposite of negative
Or complaining specifically the opposite of complaining is, is gratitude. Um,
So that's something we've gotta
Focus on, right? Of course, if that's what we want to try to reverse this, we gotta focus on gratitude. So, um, I mean, why is it the opposite negativity or complaining is, is just being negative about something and focusing on the bad things, but, but gratitude is, is being grateful and happy and seeing the good in maybe a bad situation, right? That's why, that's why it's the opposite. And that's why it's something that we need to do. Um, so an interesting thing, again, going back to how, you know, our thoughts and what we're doing in our mind affects our body, uh, gratitude, um, lights up many parts of the brain, obviously, um, when, when you're being grateful, it, it, um, mainly though Mark, uh, lights up the center of the brain responsible for controlling bodily functions, like eating, sleeping, and drinking, and it's responsible for controlling, uh, metabolism and stress levels.
So basically what it's saying is that gratitude could have a profound impact and influence on your sleep levels, uh, decreased depression, and just basically overall positive bodily awareness and function. So it's the opposite of what complaining is doing, which is maybe bring you down, you know, weight gain. It says, you know, potential, uh, of, of having, um, you know, a stroke and things like this. Obviously I'm not saying that complaining is, uh, is gonna lead directly to this way, but these are little tiny factors. Um, but gratitude does the opposite, right? Um, even, even on a physical level, it's doing these things. So, um, like we said, the opposite is gratitude and being grateful and practicing gratitude can start to begin reversing these complaining neuropathways that we've, we've created, and that can't be reversed on their own, but, but doing this and practicing gratitude can start to reverse it.
Um, and an interesting thing about it is though, is that not to, uh, just to completely ignore things and not complain, like I said, it's a, it's an active thing you have to, you have to be grateful and work on some of these other things because, um, well, we're gonna, we're gonna talk about stoicism for a second. The ancient Greeks, uh, I had a school of thought called stoicism if you've never heard about it, uh, basically is defined as the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint. So no feelings like you're not showing any emotion, any feelings, uh, and you're not complaining. Right. So, so that's like, well, that should be a good thing. Uh, specifically, we're talking about complaining negativity, how it's affecting you. Uh, you know, if you were practicing stoicism, you should be kind of on top of that, you should be feeling all right.
But the issue with that is that it's like a rejection of complaining, right. But, but there's a problem with that because when you're in during hardships, uh, and, and tough things will be going on in your life and not, you know, displaying feelings, it's good, uh, in theory, right? That you're just, you're just avoiding everything. And you're not even going to acknowledge that there's bad things going on. Um, but obviously this is gonna lead to unhealthy coping practices and, and it's, it's, it's ultimately could be a bad thing. So we're not trying to say that we're not trying to say don't talk to anybody and just completely stop complaining and saying anything in general, because like I said, there's things going on in your head anyway, but it's important to talk to people, of course. Um, but, but the stoicism, um, like, like thinking, uh, without a school of thought is not exactly the good thing.
So we need to actively do that. It's not a passive just, I'm not going to complain anymore. What am I going to do to try to reverse it? Right. Um, so, uh, the interesting thing about this is the displaying emotions, like gratitude, increased dopamine and serotonin production in one's brain, right? So we're talking about more hormones, hormones here. Um, and, and the thing about dopamine, which I'm sure a lot of you have heard before we get that little, you know, that little hit of dopamine and, and you become addicted to it. We get it from all kinds of different things, but, um, basically it's, it's, it causes your brain to search for that type of pleasure in inducer. That's what it is, right. Um, in the future. So basically when you're being grateful, practicing gratitude, getting that little, that little hit of dopamine and your brain wants that again.
So it's like the neuro pathways with negativity and complaining that your brain is going to go down that route. Um, because, because it's been wired to do that, and it's gonna do that more often now, same thing with gratitude, kind of in the opposite way that if the more you do it, it's going to release, um, this dopamine that your brain is addicted to and wants more of. So it's like, Oh, I liked that last time. Like, like focusing on the good stuff and being grateful. I liked that. So let's do it again. Right. Um, which is an interesting thing. So it kind of, it causes you to want to do it once you start to do it. Like you realize that, uh, well, your brain realizes that this is a good thing and it likes it. Um, so that's one thing we can do is be grateful, right?
If you want to try to reverse, um, being negative and, and you're complaining and stuff, being grateful is something we can do. Um, and a way to practice that, I guess, a, an easy way, which I, uh, I haven't been doing lately, unfortunately, which this is I think a good reminder to get back on top of it. But, um, a really wonderful thing that I've found, uh, is, is keeping a gratitude journal. Um, so, you know, maybe at the end of the day, you could be at the beginning of the day, you know, the middle of the day, whatever you want, but at the end of the day is nice. Cause you can kind of just reflect on, on what's happened in the day and what's going on and, and try to make it a positive experience when you're looking back on the day, um, and take one or three or five things, whatever, um, you can write down 15 if you want, but, but, you know, just start with one or two or three things that were good about the day and that you're grateful for things you're grateful for. It could be anything, um, like even just, I've got a, you know, a bed to sleep in tonight. Um, and it starts to make you think about the things in your life that you take for granted. Um, and that's what I've found when I've, when I've done it. Like I said, I got to get back on top of that cause it's, I have found it really helps. Um, so that's something you can do to practice gratitude if you're wondering. Um, and obviously you just
Trying to be aware. Yeah.
You're focusing on the negatives of something or complaining about something. For example, if you've, uh, you know, your car broke down, let's say, um, you gone somewhere and instead of focusing on the fact that now the car broke down, you got to do something about it to fix it. Um, and you got off to work, right. Um, try to maybe take a different approach and go, you know, I'm just grateful that I have a car and I don't have to walk to work, um, or take the bus or whatever. Do you know what I mean? So taking that kind of different approach can, can be one of the things, um, to help, you know, re uh, rewire your brain in that sense for, for how you've always been thinking and changed it. Oh, okay. Well, I can find the thing that I can be grateful for in this situation. And that doesn't mean you can't be upset that your car broke down. Right. But, but I'm just trying to say that, uh, it's important to think about some of those things, um, and you want to be, um, you know, focusing on gratitude because it helps, uh, and it'll make you feel better, even if you've had a bad day. Um, at the end of the day, if you write in your gratitude journal or just thinking about things, you're grateful for, it just helps to
Go, you know what, overall,
Life's pretty good. Um, and, and I got a lot of things to be grateful for whatever situation you're in, right. Everybody has different, um, experiences and struggles, but whatever your situation is, there's always things to be grateful for. So those are some things that you can do. Uh, another thing that is, is really important and beneficial is like I've said before surrounding yourself with positive people.
Um, the thing I like
To say right, is I think I said this in the last, the last episode we were talking about confidence. I said, uh, you know, you're the average of the people around you or something like that. Um,
And it's true. So if
You start to surround yourself with positive people, obviously that's going to be a good thing. So if you're finding that you're focusing on a lot of negativity, it could potentially be just that that's part of the environment that, you know, and what you're around all the time. Um, so
As much
As we maybe don't think we do, we mimic the thoughts and expressions and, you know, actions of the people around us. So, uh, to get a little more scientific on that, um, humans have a, have a psychological behavior. This is known as mirroring. So they call this mirroring because, um, well, you're mirroring things as you hear. Uh, it basically fundamentally helps us survive in the wild when we did, uh, you know, when we were surviving in the wild, back in the, back in the good old days. Um, and so basically in the early days of humanity, um, and that's like this, I guess, in the wild, and I don't know, but we're talking about humans, right. Um, stronger and honorable, more resourceful individuals had an easier time surviving in an environment than others, obviously, right? They're, they're doing a better job. They're stronger. And they're, um, able to find food better and, you know, all those, all those different things. Um, and, and people that didn't possess, some of those basic survival skills that the other people were kind of mastering, uh, would try and adopt or what they call mirror these behaviors. Right. Uh, because, uh, those that didn't possess them. Um, if they started to mirror the things that other people successful people were doing, it would increase their chances of survival. Um, and then obviously we're talking like a long time ago when we were, uh, not living in big cities and things like this,
But the
Thing is that this is still an innate behavior that we still have, even though we're not in that situation, it's still built into us. Cause that's, you know, how we were, how we were, uh, we adapted to be. So, so this mirroring thing is really interesting because like I said, your deer adapting, just you seeing, okay, this person is being successful and they're able to survive, we're talking in the wild. Right. But it happens today, um, as well. Um, even though you don't think so, so, so for example, maybe you were thinking of seeing success as being happy, right? Somebody happy or, or, or, um, yeah, let's not talk about money. Let's talk about happiness and positivity. Right. Um, maybe you seeing that as, as being successful and, and surviving in the wild, so to speak, um, well, right. They're surviving well. Um, and you want to, even though you may not think, so you want to be around, you want to try to mirror that, uh, and the easiest way to do that is to be around those kinds of people. So that's why, um, that's why we actually start to change how we do things and what we're doing based on the people we're around and the environment we're in. Um, so anyway, moving forward a little bit, uh, according to psychology today, there's five implications of mirror neurons in the human brain. So, uh, here are the five things,
Empathy,
Which if you don't know what empathy is and you get confused. Cause I do sometimes it's an understanding and sharing someone else's feelings, right? So you're not having the same feelings, but you're, you're, um, you're understanding them and you're being empathetic. Right. Um, so for example, when others yawn, we have a reflex that causes us to yawn along with them. We might not need to yarn, but we will. Um, because it's just something that we do. So those obviously yawning is, is, uh, just one example, but there's a lot of different things. So that's one thing that, uh, you know, this mirroring causes, another thing is a, they call it pro-social behavior. So, uh, an example is couples who live together for long periods of time. We're talking, we're talking a year, sorry, a long, long time. Um, they start to make similar facial expressions when reacting to different emotions.
So, you know, starting off in the relationship or with somebody I'm not this, this as couples, but I'm sure, you know, it's with family members and things are just people that you're around a lot. Um, and, and, you know, you really getting to know, um, but, but basically what happens is that, uh, we all make different facial expressions. There's so many different facial expressions, but you start to adapt to what other people do. So in this situation, uh, like a couple that's been together for a long time and been around each other for a long time, we'll start to actually change the way they react to things with their facial expressions, um, and, and do similar things. But that's not something like you're aware of. Right. So it's the interesting thing about this mirroring, um, is that we do things without even realizing it. So you've, you've even after, well, I don't know how long, but let's say, you know, 25 years of, you know, it's a long time, but of, of being together with someone, um, you start to actually change the way you do things with your facial expressions and stuff that you don't realize that you actually do.
Um, so we're subconsciously changing, you know, things that are happening without us being aware. So that's one of the other things, um, craving is another thing that happens, uh, using, using this kind of mirroring thing. So like an ex cigarette smoker, um, having like an experience of craving, uh, having you wanting a cigarette when observing somebody else smoking, um, they're not smoking and they don't really like, you know, have the cigarette in their hands, but they're seeing somebody else do it. And then they're feeling this feeling of craving that's. Another thing is mirroring does a fourth. One, which I thought was interesting is, is called a, they say inheriting psychological trauma. So, uh, I mean, the example they have here is, is kids who have
Been abused by their parents, tend to intern
Analyze their parents' psychological problems or, um, you know, things such as fear and depression without them realizing it. So, so someone's been in a traumatic situation and, and say there was another person that caused that, you know, the reason maybe that the other person was causing that, um, you can actually do to mirroring without realizing can inherit
Those traits, that that
Person, you know, caused them to do that to you. You can inherit that and do it to others without you knowing, uh, I'm not saying this always, obviously always happens, but it's something that can happen without us, us realizing. Uh, and of course it's all how we, we deal with things and every, every situation is different. Yes. But it's just interesting that, um, there's so many things that you can inherit and, and that can affect you, um, without you realizing like things change without you realizing that's the big thing about this mirroring. Um, so we come to the fifth thing they talked about in the psychology today, uh, is, is happiness. So humans who are exposed to happy, people are 15% more likely to have a mood change and be happy along with them 50%
Just by being around people, you having a bad day,
We talking about your car breaking down earlier, you come home and there's a nice meal prepared for you and friends, with friends, family over whatever. And they're happy people having a good time being positive. You're 15% more likely to feel better after that, or have a mood change and not feel, you know, bad and upset about
What happened earlier with your car. Um, because,
Because just because you're around happy people and this, because of this mirroring thing, like we're saying all these things change. There's like these five different things that can just by being an environment around people due to mirroring. So, um, this is the big thing, right? We're talking about. So basically it's the brain mimicking its environment and adapting to people who look like they're quote unquote, like surviving in the world, um, more effectively. So obviously surviving or what we're going to call surviving is different in our modern day society. Then back when we were living, um, wherever right in the jungle or something. But, um, that's, that's what we do without realizing that our brains adapting to these things. So what does all this mean? Harrison, you might be asking, um, what I'm trying to say is that w that's kind of the re like things that actually happened without us realizing.
So we're
Trying to combat complaining and negativity. And I said, one of the good things to be to do with that is to surround yourself
With positive people, because, because of all those, those traits
We have and the way our brain works and the way we adapt to our environments, uh, as we just kinda talked about, um, it's so important to be around people that aren't maybe complaining as much or being more positive and happy, um, because that will, although you may not think it, it will change your, um, well, it will obviously change your mood as we said, by up to like 15%. Right. Um, but it will also just make you feel better and you will start to adapt the traits of those people that are complaining, complaining less, and maybe being more, you know, um, focusing on gratitude more and, and they're just being happy and positive. And that's what we want. That's a really big thing. So obviously, like I said, we can practice gratitude, but one of the big things is surrounding yourself with positive people. And obviously this is not ever going to be an ideal situation for everybody. So maybe it's not like you're saying, Oh, well, uh, I'm in a really unfortunate environment. And I can't surround myself with a bunch of positive people. Well, it doesn't have to be, you know, 15 people
That are all like that start by fine.
If you know, one person I'm sure everybody knows one person that that's, you know, you feel good being around, um, you know, or you feel that they're happy and, and more positive than maybe some of the other people in your life. So to spend some more time with them, and that's an easy thing to try to focus on, make that like a first goal, right. If that's where you're just starting out and you're needing to do that, um, that's, that's an easy way to do it, but surrounding yourself with positive
People, uh, is a big thing.
And that's why it happens because of that, that mirroring thing that, um, you know, our, our body and our mind, um, inherently do that. Um, and, uh, just an interesting thing here that we're talking about, you know, being around positive people. Um, but at the same goes for being with negative people or people that do complain a lot, it's going to do the same thing because of that mirroring effect. It's going to cause you to do it more. And if you're listening to this podcast and you made it this far, that's not something I think that you want to do because you're making an effort to, to work on your personal growth and bettering yourself. Um, so you don't want to be around those negative people that bring you down and kind of suck that energy out of you and replace it with the bad, bad energy, the negative energy.
Um, so here's a quote that's really relevant. I think, uh, it's from George Washington, uh, around George Washington. And it says it's far better to be alone than in bad company. Right? That's an interesting thing if you think about it, um, cause maybe being alone is not great and it's not some, one of your favorite things. Um, it's something you're working on, but being alone is better than being influenced by, you know, negative people. Um, it says bad company, um, people that are not going to push you and help you to be happier and to grow and things like that. And, um, I mean, it's true if you're not in, if you're in an environment just with yourself, at least you're in control of, of are, you can be in control of what's being said and what's happening. But if you're around bad, um, bad company, as he says, um, and I'm not saying negative people are bad, that's not at all what I'm trying to say, but, but just people that are, you know, not being as positive, maybe that you'd like, like the people, not the people that you'd like to be around, um, it's better to be alone, right?
So you can focus on your own on your own, uh, thoughts and what you're doing. Um, and one more thing here it's interesting, um, is that, uh, it says if you want to be happy B, which is, which is a really a big thing and that's from a Leo toll story. Um, and that's a big thing it's easy to say, right. But, but it's true. It is a choice at some point, you know, happiness and positivity and stuff like that. Like I said, like we're wired, um, to focus on complaining and stuff because of, you know, the science and how our brain works. We're, we're wired and we've, we've wired it kind of ourselves with those, those pathways to focus on negativity. But the changing that won't happen just on its own, it is a choice. So if you want to be happy B it says, you need to decide that the something you want to do, it doesn't mean it's gonna happen right away.
Um, cause you know, that makes it sound like it's just going to happen right away. It's not going to happen right away, but taking the time out of your day and making it a priority to try to, um, focus on it is really important. So, uh, and I know that if you are listening to this, like I said, that's something you want to do. And I'm very grateful that you, uh, spent the time with me today and to listen, um, take time out of your day to learn and grow. Uh, and that's what this podcast is all about. Um, like I said, learning and growing, uh, together, I'm learning, uh,
Well, um,
No we're researching these things and I'm explaining them to you. I'm learning as well. And it's, it's just a, that's what this community is based around. So before we leave, uh, I just want to quickly recap what we talked about, um, you know, complaining, we, we talked about how the, uh, rewires your neuropathways to want to complain more in the future, but that doesn't change on its own. You have to put in an effort, um, and it has to be a choice and something that you want to try to fix. So what's a way to do that while the opposite of complaining is gratitude, right? So like I said, he can, can, uh, start to do maybe a gratitude journal or, um, sorry, and a gratitude journal, or, you know, maybe, uh, just making it a priority to try to think about or be aware of when you are complaining, being negative and focus on something else, focus on what you can be grateful for in that situation.
And then of course surrounding yourself with positive, uh, grateful, happy people. And we know that that will affect, uh, you and how you feel and what you do because of, uh, mirroring and how are our bodies and minds work. Um, even from an innate human response, that's something that we do, right? So those are some of the things that we can do. Uh, and for I, and this today, I just want to quickly, uh, let you know about, uh, don't settle, which is what, uh, what's on this podcast. It's a platform and community, um, dedicated to helping you grow is dedicated to personal growth and, and creating a community of, of those kinds of things we're talking about today, positivity, um, you know, gratitude, motivation, that kind of thing. And, um, I'm very excited cause we, uh, just recently officially launched this out to, out to the world and we've had a wonderful response and, and I'm really looking forward to seeing how this grows, um, the, the platform, how it grows along with the people that are being a part of it.
Uh, and if you haven't checked out, uh, the website, which you probably have, if you're listening to the podcast right now, but if you haven't checked out the website, it's, uh, don't settle official.ca you can check it out, all kinds of things on there. Um, and we're in the works of, of bringing out, uh, working on, you know, lots of new content and, and providing resources and some information for you. So you can work on bettering yourself and feeling better, um, with, you know, all aspects of, of life, uh, your mind, body, and spirit, right? Cause those things are all so interconnected. Um, and one thing, if you're not following us on Instagram, you can check that out at don't settle official on Instagram. Uh, it was a Facebook page, same thing, don't settle official, uh, and the email community, if you want to be a part of that, which I strong, it's just, you should go check it out.
Um, it's on the website, it'll, uh, um, the community section, obviously of the website, if you want to want to check that out. Um, and it's just basically going to be updates on kind of things that we're putting out. Um, so you don't miss anything, but also, um, the goal is to once we start to build the community, connect you with other people, um, like this positive people and people that you help each other grow. Cause that's, that's a big thing, right? Uh, life is all about relationships and connections, and we want to make that easier for you to meet with people and, and to be part of a community of positivity and things. So it'll be, you know, maybe some reminders of, of things, um, some motivation to get through your week. And, uh, there's going to be a newsletter, just a really short read to help maybe, uh, keep you on track with this personal growth thing.
So go check out that, uh, the community, uh, and, and that is all we've got for you today, guys, thank you so much for listening or talking about gratitude. And I just wanna say I'm so grateful that, uh, that I'm able to do this, put out this information and share with people and, and have you listen. So thank you so much for taking time a day to listen to this. I hope the rest of your day is incredible. Uh, and I hope that you can find some things to be grateful for today. And if you do have maybe there's people in your life that you're grateful for, let them know. Uh, and that's really important. So yes, just so grateful for you guys and, uh, just keep loving life chat with you.
If you're interested in more content like this, go check out our website at don't settle, official.ca we're dedicated to providing resources, information, and content designed to assist you on your journey of personal growth and most of all, to help you live life to the fullest. Thanks so much for tuning in we'll chat with you next time.
Previous Episode
S1 E1: Confidence Starts Within
With Guest Austin King
